The First Lunch Period of the Rest of Your Life

It had been an exciting day.

Chloe had been about to start a normal day of school, when a drunken amateur mage summoned her to another plane of reality where you can talk about “a drunken amateur mage” and also be talking about a real person who actually exists, and who really sucks at doing actual magic. She had also been propositioned by this drunken amateur mage, because he mistook her for a succubus, because apparently it’s reasonable to think that those are real too.

It was probably reasonable to think that anything could be true in this version of the universe. Drunken succubus-summoning amateur mages were just the tip of this freakshow iceberg. If she thought her old school was weird – well, just take a look at this place! Hidden on a remote island in the pacific and full of things that never even pretended to be human. Because non-human sentient life is a thing here.

You know what isn’t a thing though? Anyone that Chloe ever knew or loved.

It was a lot for Chloe to process.

Chloe hadn’t exactly gotten a tour of the school yet, either. Everyone, her included, was still hoping that this was temporary, and that whatever magic had pulled her into this universe could be reverse-engineered to send her back. But she still needed to eat, and there was a very real possibility that she would be stuck here forever. Might as well go to the cafeteria, maybe even try to make a few friends while she was there.

She felt very out of place, still wearing the uniform of a school that didn't exist in this universe, but it was the only clothing she had.

She assumed that this was the chow line. She had a free pass to eat whatever she wanted, while everything got sorted out, so she was ready to go in that regard. The person in front of her in line was decidedly too speckled and green-haired and short for Chloe to think she was human. Or at least Chloe assumed it was a she? It looked female, at least. She decided to get her attention.

“Um, hi.” Chloe crouched down a little so the green-haired whatever-it-was would be sure that she was talking to her. “I… am literally new to this entire universe, I guess. And also this school. And my name is Chloe. And technically I’m a human, sort of? But uh… hi.”

She may have been new to this universe, but she didn’t want this – person, let’s go with that – this person to think that Chloe was also new to communicating with other sentient life forms. Also would it be rude to ask someone what the hell they were supposed to be? Because Chloe really wanted to ask this person what the hell she was supposed to be.

Chloe noticed Cheeto staring at her feet, and she almost wanted to laugh. Even here, people would think she was kind of a freak. Even the spotty short girl with the bright green hair. Taking note of the tray Cheeto was holding, Chloe grabbed one of her own.

“I could definitely use a tour,” she admitted, nodding. “Nice to meet you Cheeto. Though, uh…” Chloe was really glad Cheeto mentioned that, about not knowing what humans were until recently. It might make the question she was about to ask seem more acceptable.

“Okay, I can’t actually think of a polite way to ask this question, so I think I’ll just repeat the part where I’m literally from another universe, then ask it. What are you supposed to be?” Glancing around, Chloe could identify at least ten other different groups of people she could direct this question to. Though she have might fit in, in a way, by virtue of being weird, she was still way out of her element.

“A goblin.” Chloe repeated. Goblins were a real thing that existed here. She didn’t know why this fact surprised her so much. Actual demons were a thing. Horses that could turn into people – instead of it being the other way around – were also a thing.

Cheeto made an adorable squeaking sound when she noticed that the line moved without them. Chloe resisted the urge to laugh, but only barely. It still brightened her day, and she was still grinning, but she didn’t want to alienate her new acquaintance by full-on laughing at her.

“There’s so much that looks good,” the demon-girl remarked. “This is a real step up from my last school.” Her lunch would be far from balanced today – spicy foods, fatty foods, even foods that she didn’t even recognize, but boy did they look and smell appetizing. When all was said and done, she had a lot of different things on her plate.

She pre-empted any criticism that may have come from the goblin: “Don’t judge me.” Then: “So, uh, right. Where are we sitting?”

Cheeto was too adorable. Her excitability, the giggling, the way she bounced around. The demon-girl was grinning again as she followed the goblin to their table.

She prepared to eat her food, but stopped before the first mouthful. Was there anything she wanted to ask? “…There are a lot of things I could ask,” Chloe said. “But I’m not sure where to start. I mean…” She didn’t actually know where she was going with that sentence, so instead of finishing it she put some food in her mouth.

“Mmm!” It tasted as good as it smelled. She chewed, and she gave herself a few moments to think.

She swallowed. “Oh! Uh, magic doesn’t exist where I come from. I mean, there are still people with supernatural powers. I can drain people’s strength by touching them. But, people can’t say some magic words or do a ritual to cast a spell. Can… can anyone learn to do magic? Or…?”

Chloe interrupted Cheeto’s suggestions with a burst of laughter.

“I’m sorry,” She apologized. “It’s just… this is all so nuts. I’ve only ever seen magic in books or, you know, fiction. Now I’m in a magic school where you can learn magic. But you also have, like, journalism and,” she snickered, “accounting!” Her laughter came back in full force. It was a quiet laughter – she was trying to hold it in, but she was still convulsing and giggling uncontrollably.

“This isn’t funny,” she managed to say, breathless. “I get that it’s an important job. And stuff. But, why would you go to a magic school, where you can learn magic, and study ac—“ she couldn’t even finish her sentence. She was crying from laughter. “I really hope an accountant isn’t overhearing this. This actually isn’t funny.”

And it was starting to occur to her that maybe magic was a really dry and boring subject, and that might be why some people would ever choose not to learn it. Or maybe it was a really difficult skill to pick up, or you had to have a natural talent for it, or something.

But still. You could take a class to learn actual magic.