The Decision

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I'M STRUGGLING TO FIGURE OUT WHO I AM, CHAINED BY THIS FEAR INSIDE
and i'm being drawn to you.
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Brendon glanced up between his mother and Mr. Ardel as the man began speaking.
H-He found himself a little startled when his mother pulled him up against her side.



“Would you mind?” Mr. Ardel had began. “Having a look I mean. I want to make
sure everything is to your liking.”



“Oh, I’m sure it is Mr. Ardel,” His mother returned… squeezing him softly,
reassuringly. And then his mother released him once more to go and open their
gift basket. Brendon’s gaze remained on the man… on Mr. Ardel. His presence
was… was so difficult to ignore.



He was still clutching onto his book tightly… but it was almost left forgotten within
his grasp. All he could focus on… was this man. T-This man… before him…

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I'M STRUGGLING TO FIGURE OUT WHO I AM, CHAINED BY THIS FEAR INSIDE
and i'm being drawn to you.
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Mr. Ardel was switching… he was changing… expressions. Brendon was straining
with his own form of inner distraught as he tried to push down all of his emotions
and feelings. But, the man’s blatant shift in mood was leaving the sixteen year
old wary and confused. Mr. Ardel seemed pleasant and friendly with him and his
mother… but the moment she turned away… his features settled with irritation and
anger.



Brendon’s heart pounded within his chest and the first thought that came to him…
was that he was irritated with him. Was he angry because he had left him
yesterday? Because he had avoided him for the rest of the day and today? Why
had he come here? What was the real reason? Why was he showing such anger?



“I’m glad… you like everything,” Mr. Ardel told his mother, feigning kindness and
friendliness once more. “I live nearby so I thought I would drop you both off a
welcoming gift. But, I really must be going now.”



At the mention of him leaving, Brendon’s heart clenched with pain. He struggled
and strained from where he sat at the table. It wasn’t that he disliked Mr.
Ardel’s scent… His mother had been wrong. It wasn’t that at all. He wanted
his scent. He wanted him to stay. He wanted his presence, wanted him close…



Brendon’s jaw clenched and he jerked his gaze away from him. He closed his
eyes and shoved all the thoughts and feelings away. No, he thought angrily
and banished it. No, that’s not it.

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I'M STRUGGLING TO FIGURE OUT WHO I AM, CHAINED BY THIS FEAR INSIDE
and i'm being drawn to you.
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“Would you mind if I used your restroom before I take my leave?” Mr. Ardel asked
his mother… and Brendon felt the sting within his heart only grow. It was hard to
cope with. All of this was hard to cope with. Why was he showing up at his
house? Why was he buying him gifts—books that were sequels to his current
novels? Brendon could feel his eyes burning and he was on the verge of losing it
all.



His mother noticed… that’s how transparent he was being. She immediately
noticed and came to his side, talking to him in a hushed voice and with genuine
concern.



“Sweetie, are you all right?” She asked him. “Is your nose bothering you again?”



Brendon shook his head back and forth, trying to deny that he was having any
trouble. But, she wouldn’t listen to him. She knew that he was lying… and she
continued to sympathize with him.



“I’m sorry, sweetie. It won’t last forever. I know it’s overpowering right now,”
She coaxed him softly. “Why don’t you give me the book and go to your room?
I’ll make everything clean once Mr. Ardel takes his leave.”



He didn’t want him to leave—that was the problem! His scent, his heat, his
body, and presence… all of it was driving him crazy! Was this puberty too!? Why
did he feel this way…! He didn’t want to feel this way! Brendon took in a
shuddered breath and his mother urged him out of his chair, sure that her decision
was the best for now.



To remove him from his scent, from his presence. It… It probably was the best
choice, the best decision… B… But he… he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to hide
away and for him to leave without his knowledge. He didn’t want to exit his
bedroom later and for his scent to be completely erased from the house again.
How many times would he have to go through it? How many times did he have to
feel this way…!



The sudden flare of anger ignited within him, his eyes burning, and he began to
storm down the hallway. His heart was pounding and he felt miserable, he felt so
upset. He didn’t know what to do with himself. He wanted to scream and yell at
Mr. Ardel and tell him to go away. Go away and never come back! Stop bringing
his scent, his body, himself, into this house! Stop driving him crazy! Making
him go through this!



In his anger, he did something unthinkable. He banged his fist hard against the
bathroom door as he passed, feeling himself on the verge of tears… from his
inner frustration. He slammed his bedroom door and heard his mother’s voice,
calling to him. She was angry with him now, too. He was acting out. He was
acting ridiculous, absurd. He was throwing a fit… being childish.



Brendon chucked his gift onto his bed and lowered down, to the floor, at one of
the corner’s of his room. He brought his legs up to his chest… and hugged them
tightly. To add to his anger, those stupid tears… finally began to slip free and
silently stream down his cheeks. He was so angry. He was so upset.



He was so confused…

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I'M STRUGGLING TO FIGURE OUT WHO I AM, CHAINED BY THIS FEAR INSIDE
and i'm being drawn to you.
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The moment Mr. Ardel’s voice reached him from the opposite wall, Brendon
immediately tensed. He felt a sharp sting of vulnerability as he was spoken to
while he cried within the confinement of his bedroom. Even worse, it was the last
person he wanted to speak to at the moment. He closed his eyes tightly and
pressed his face against his legs. He covered his ears. He didn’t want to hear
him. He didn’t want to hear his voice.



He was going insane. He was so upset that he was crying in his bedroom. What
was happening to him? Why was he acting this way? Why was he feeling this
way? Was it really the transition of puberty? Was that really what all of this was?

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I'M STRUGGLING TO FIGURE OUT WHO I AM, CHAINED BY THIS FEAR INSIDE
and i'm being drawn to you.
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“I’m coming to see you now.”



Brendon immediately lifted his gaze from his lap, his eyes wide and filled with
tears. He breathed harshly, his throat clogged with his tears. And his heart
strained, clenched, with pain. Hope flourished within him… a fleeting feeling
quickly suppressed as his brows drew together and he tried to push his emotions
away.



He could hear Mr. Ardel opening the window within the bathroom. He could hear
him climbing through it. Immediately, instinctively, Brendon crawled forward in a
desperate act to close his curtains. But, as he moved forward and clung to the
window sill… his wide amber eyes… met the deep emerald of Mr. Ardel’s.



Brendon ducked down instantly, hiding underneath the window… pressing his
back into the wall.

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