TW: Mentions of rape.
Shay looked up at the cliff. He really wanted her to climb it, but Shay wasn't sure she could.
"How am I supposed to climb that?" She screamed, turning on him, fear written in every action, every little look, or breath she took. "I can't. I can't fucking do that, Regis!"
Eroshay fell silent, the phrase heavy between them. I can't. Shay couldn't name the last time she'd said that with any actual force behind it. She couldn't. The cliff was too large, the stones too jagged. She was too damn small and weak.
Just like Shay couldn't fight Nick off. She couldn't stop herself from being raped, or murdered. From being tortured. She couldn't stop anything, and she couldn't help anyone, no matter how hard she tried.
Shay was a fuck up. She shouldn't have been born, it should have been impossible. She shouldn't have been here.
And, yes, of course, she was terrified to climb that cliff because somehow she knew Regis couldn't follow her beyond this point. He may have not wanted her, and she may have felt a sense of resent toward him from that, but she would be alone. Utterly alone the rest of the way.
She wasn't strong enough.
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"Oh my god," he rubbed his temples when she started up her "I can't do it" speech. So what? Was this it? She's just going to sulk at the base of the cliff. A person can only be so introspective. Outsiders can see angles that an individual might not see for themselves. Shay saw an impossible climb. Regis just saw an ascent. It wouldn't be easy, but she was only making it harder. This is a place where one's strength was based on their perception of the world around them.
He looked at her and just folded his arms thinking of how he should word his next speech. If only he could show her just how much potential she really had.
"This it? You're really gonna pick now to start feeling sorry for yourself? You were full of piss and vinegar at that party. Not taking anyone's shit. So you couldn't stop yourself from getting killed. Who cares? you get to come back. You know how many people get to do that? Not many. What, you think you're the only person to feel fucking powerless? I've had to deal with some shit like this. My teacher's had to deal with shit like this. Even without the death factor people hit their lowest points. We do this to help people who can't find their way. I know you don't want this for you and you definitely don't want it for anyone else. Only way to go is up, Eroshay Rosales."
He pointed up towards the top of the cliff. "Go, go hug your dads. Hang out with your siblings. Call your friends. Have a lunch date with your lovers. You got a lot of people waiting for you up there, kid."
He looked at her and just folded his arms thinking of how he should word his next speech. If only he could show her just how much potential she really had.
"This it? You're really gonna pick now to start feeling sorry for yourself? You were full of piss and vinegar at that party. Not taking anyone's shit. So you couldn't stop yourself from getting killed. Who cares? you get to come back. You know how many people get to do that? Not many. What, you think you're the only person to feel fucking powerless? I've had to deal with some shit like this. My teacher's had to deal with shit like this. Even without the death factor people hit their lowest points. We do this to help people who can't find their way. I know you don't want this for you and you definitely don't want it for anyone else. Only way to go is up, Eroshay Rosales."
He pointed up towards the top of the cliff. "Go, go hug your dads. Hang out with your siblings. Call your friends. Have a lunch date with your lovers. You got a lot of people waiting for you up there, kid."
Shay wanted to feel more anger, but she didn't. It was just despair. She rubbed her face until she couldn't feel it, clawing at skin before throwing her head back and screaming. Her shoulders slumped, her body leaned forward, and Shay cried freely. She tried to hold it back, but there was no way.
Eroshay's voice was a taut whisper. "Regis... I can't go back and see him. T-The things he did to me... I...."
She calmed herself down, nodding a few times. To help people, she reminded herself. That was what they were put here to do. To help people. She breathed out, reaching out and laying her hand on the cliff. It brightened, lights flashing all the way to the mountain's peak before dying down into darkness again.
Shay glanced over her shoulder at him, "I won't see you at the top... will I? What if... What if I can't, you know, face it without you?"
♠♠♠
Regis moved over to the girl and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. Shay sounded like she was gathering up her resolve. If she made it past this point she could do anything. He took a look at that cliff, he couldn't go there. It was all her from that point on. They'd part ways for now, but he was sure he'd see her again.
"No, I won't be there at the top. I only take people to this point. Think of me as a catalyst that makes the conditions for change right. You're ultimately the one who decides if and how you want to change. Whatever decision you make is entirely on you. Just remember, if you come back you're not going to be alone."
He took a step away from her, lighting a cigarette. He looked around Shay's Limbo, it could use some brightening up. Maybe after she straightened herself out it would change into something else. Who knew. "Oh! Remember the card, so you'll know where to find me when you're ready," he reminded her and to himself added, "Because you deserve a life."
@Foxy
"No, I won't be there at the top. I only take people to this point. Think of me as a catalyst that makes the conditions for change right. You're ultimately the one who decides if and how you want to change. Whatever decision you make is entirely on you. Just remember, if you come back you're not going to be alone."
He took a step away from her, lighting a cigarette. He looked around Shay's Limbo, it could use some brightening up. Maybe after she straightened herself out it would change into something else. Who knew. "Oh! Remember the card, so you'll know where to find me when you're ready," he reminded her and to himself added, "Because you deserve a life."
@Foxy
Shay breathed slowly, gathering her courage. Regis was like her, she supposed. His Reaper... ness? His Reaper mentality seemed to follow the same line or logic. When she found him again, as she knew she would, maybe she'd ask him some questions. God only knew, Shay had no idea what the fuck she was doing anymore. She set his card in a breast pocket, patting it to show him she'd placed it in safe keeping.
Once that was out of the way, Shay set to climbing. It was not at all an easy task. Her hands kept getting scratched up, and at one point she lost a finger nail, which hurt like a mother fucker and bled twice as bad as it actually hurt. She'd cut her palm open as she reached the top.
Shay lied on her stomach, breathing hard. She glanced over the edge to tell Regis she had made it, but he was no longer there. All the accomplishment she'd felt over the feat was immediately washed away by the cold realization that she was completely alone now.
Over her shoulder, the top of the mountain wasn't as covered in shadow as the bottom had been. It was misty, so misty she couldn't see her hands when they were outstretched from her body. Shay hugged herself and began walking in an unknown direction.
It felt like weeks, but there was never any sun or moon to give a hint of how much time passed in this place. Shay didn't know what instinct drew her in the direction she'd decided on, but she never wavered on it. Not until she saw a dim light reaching downward toward her through a dirt skylight.
It was up an incline, which Shay made quick work of. As she reached the light, there was more dirt again, which Eroshay was quick to dig out and throw to her side. This continued, on and on it went; tedious work. Below her, liquid mud rose up. Panic clawed Shay's throat and had her working faster, toward whatever unknown fate was ahead.
When her hand broke through the barrier, she pushed the rest of herself out from Limbo, back into the real work. Up from the dirt and debris. In the middle of the forest at night.
Shay couldn't breathe. She fell on her hands and knees, coughing until clumps of dirt and pine needles left her body and lay in a pool of blood on the ground. She was naked again, the suit having disappeared somewhere, but in her hand, Shay held the business card tight. The wounds she had received from Limbo were still present on her body.
While Eroshay couldn't see it now, mind too hazy from rebirth and body in too much pain as it was, but three tattoos sat anew on her body, both red and sore. She would have to look into those later, for now, Shay got to her feet, which almost gave way from under her, and walked.
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