Shay looked over her shoulder as Fitz got closer. This wasn't the type of conversation you had with someone you were interested in. She took note of that but did so anyway. Never normal. Screw conventions.
"Logan and Toby York," she said. "Those two I think I was in love with each of them, in a different way. Had the biggest crush on Valentine Crowther, too. But that's dampened considerably since I died."
Shay wanted to take another sip so her stomach warmed and her head got fuzzy. Ale made it easier to talk, harder to think. She hated the taste, but everything else was great.
"You think you loved her because you thought you'd have to? I loved Toby because he made me feel safe -- which was strange to most people. And I loved Logan because.... Well, I guess because I saw him behind all the masks. For everything he was. And I liked what I saw."
Shay smiled bitterly. "And he hated me because I saw all those things." Now she took a long drink until her face scrunched up from the taste and she made a sound once the bottle left her lips.
"Now I figure -- Eh. I guess it doesn't matter."
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Fitz frowned and just watched, unsure of what he should do or say for a moment. He put a gentle hand on her shoulder though.
"If 'e 'ated ye fer seein' through 'is shite, 'e weren't worth yer 'eart."
He wanted to pull her back, off the ledge. He knew she wouldn't jump. Shay didn't seem the type. But he still worried, his thoughts returning to their first meeting and the broken leg it gave him. "We were friends. Ah figure, growin' up close. Practically neighbors. And yeah, me options woulda been love 'er or be miserable."
Shay reached up and laid her hand on his before stepping back off the ledge. It made him nervous, she could feel that, and his nerves were making her nervous. Better safe than sorry.
The ale already had her lightheaded. "Yeah, I get that now. I used to think I had to try harder. Now, I just don't care." She was silent, thoughtful, wondering if she outta say what was on her mind. "He cried when I came back... funny how that works.
"I don't know why I'm telling you all of this. I have nothing else to talk about and sometimes it's nice to share. Give people as much as you get." Shay played with the ring on his finger.
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"Ye shouldn't 'ave to do backflips fer someone's love. But wot do Ah know, eh? Ah'm a con artist."
He gave her hand a squeeze before spinning the ring around on his finger so it was visible. "Yer right, o' course. S'different. Bein' open with someone. Ah told me mates stuff back 'ome, but it weren't the same. Not as raw or as personal. Ah kinda like it, makes me shoulders feel a bit lighter."
Picking up his bottle again, Fitz tipped it back and downed the whole thing like he had countless times before. It was sweeter than he was used to, not as much of the bitter hoppiness.
He had picked it out because he figured Shay might like it a bit more. It was still doing the job though, he felt his face warming and shut his eyes blissfully against the feeling.
"We're gonna run outta topics eventually, and 'ave to talk 'bout it, aye? Ye and Ah, us? Wot we're doin' in the long 'aul."
Several times Shay almost said something and several times she stopped herself and looked off past Fitz at nothing in particular. After he had drunk, Shay finished the last bit of alcohol in her bottle as she listened to Derry speak.
She choked on the ale and worked on clearing out her throat so she could talk without any husk to her tone.
"Well, fuck. Yeah. When you put it like that." Shay balanced the now empty bottle on the ledge and watched as it steadied itself.
"I've already told you how I felt. I'm not really subtle there. If you want to say no, I won't be mad. I'll still be your friend, help you where I can. I'm not a shit.
"And -- well, I'm pretty sure you don't want to count down the few months to my sixteenth birthday and feel like a creep. Legally speaking, we could date so long as we didn't have sex, but that's squinty to most people. Really, anything I do is."
She paused a beat. "And if I'm being honest, I'd rather not come out with dating anyone right now. Too many questions and looks. Having to introduce them to my family?" She made a face. "Do we really want to brand this?
"God, I really hope this is what you meant, or I forewent putting my foot in my mouth for my whole damn leg." Shay grinned.
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Fitz laughed. It wasn't the best reaction, maybe, but it was the first one that came to mind. Cursing under his breath, he grabbed another drink. He needed to be less sober. Feeling things, being close to someone, it made his tongue go in knots. He didn't want to hurt or upset Shay. He needed to be quick and charming, not fumbling.
He took a long, slow drink, savoring the taste and the contrast of the cold fluid to the heat on his face and in his shoulders.
Finally, he tipped the bottle away from his face and gave Shay a look, deadly serious. But it only lasted a second before he broke into a shit-eating grin.
"Alriht lass. Ah'm gonna... lay it all out there. Aye? Firstly, Ah've kinda known fer a bit ye 'ad some kinda thing fer me."
"Ah'm 'esitant cause Ah don't wanna push ye into nothin' yer not comfortable with. Ah wasn't sure ye were in the best o' places after February. Still no' sure. But, ye seem adament. And truth be told, Ah don't wanna say no."
Fitz looked Shay over once, nodding as he spoke. His speech was slurring a bit more. "So m'be we don' label it, aye? Jos' letit come naturally? Wote'er tha' means."
Shay didn't handle liquor well. It was better now when sickness and dark magic weren't destroying her immune system and insides, but only a little. Shay couldn't remember how many bottles she'd had, all she knew is she felt warm and light on her feet, head fuzzy and free. A little more than buzzed, which was how she liked being.
That serious expression he wore when she looked at him had Shay's smile dropping. She cocked her head to the right, admiring how it had him looking his age and smiled by reflex when he did.
"Of course," Shay laughed. "I'm not subtle. Not even a little." She shook her head at herself and sat, dizzy from the gesture. "And I'm not uncomfortable. If I am, I'll tell you." Shay toyed with some rubble on the ground, choosing and picking her words carefully, trying to pin down why she was so nervous.
"I've never had a relationship that didn't start with sex first. That's new. I like not labeling it. Just doing until we're on more solid ground. Find what's comfortable.
"And, just for the record, I'm not going to care if you sleep with other people or anything. Since we're not labeling and nothing is exactly settled. I'm not the most monogamous person and that's a pretty good conning method for you."
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"Alright lass. No labels. We keep it, ah, on the down low? And ye, uh, tell me if'n Ah need t' back off. Savvy?"
He paused, blinking a bit. How to respond to the sex talk? He couldn't deny that Shay herself was kind of attractive. Moreso since she had come back to life. She looked more grown up, in a way.
"As fer the, uh, th' sex stuff. Ah'll let ye take th' lead on tha', lass. Wote'er yer comfortable with. Me bein' the grown fuckin' man, s'only right. And like ye say, Ah can get me jollies if'n Ah need 'em got."
He set his jaw as he finished speaking, staring at the concrete rooftop beneath them. Was that creepy? Was he creepy? Fitz ran a hand through his hair, unintentionally knocking his hat off into the cooler as he did.
Shay pushed herself up to approach him, smile in place, still a nervous twitch to it. "Savvy. You sound like Jack Sparrow."
He didn't look good. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was her. Shay had a way of making things weird. Uncomfortable. She grabbed his hat from the cooler and brushed it off reaching up and standing on her toes to place it back on his head.
Shay wrapped her arms around his midsection and rested her head against his chest, forcibly calming herself -- somehow. "You, too, if you're uncomfortable. We take it slow, or whatever. Just enjoy each other's company? And whatever that means at the time, it means."
She nuzzled into his shirt, trying to push that horrible fragile feeling to the wayside. Like this moment was a porcelain doll and Shay had already shattered the other dolls in the room. "Right now, that just means I'm glad you're here and that I get to talk to you, or hear you laugh. Watch the way your hands move when you speak. It -- It doesn't have to be quick burning. All or nothing. We don't have to tell anyone we don't want. It's just this moment, and it's a pretty nice one. For me, at least."
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"Sorry." He let out a breath, trying to find his words. "Just feelin' like a bit o' a creep, thinkin' bout ye like tha'. No' fer anyone else's sake really, but yers. Don' wan' ye thinkin' less o' me."
Calmer. He felt a bit calmer, saying it aloud. He knew she wouldn't judge him for it. But it was out there, and he was ready if she did.
Fitz let himself relax, nuzzling his own face into the top of Shay's head and letting out a small breath. Not quite a laugh, but close.
"Jack Sparrow? Nah, lass. Ah see meself as more o' a Flynn Rider. Jack Sparrow's an arsehole. 'e'd sell 'is own mum fer a pint, tha'un."
"But aye," he said almost immediately after. "No one we don't want to know 'as to. Ah know a couple o' blokes who don't need to be privy." Shay could probably guess the two he had in mind specifically, but he wouldn't bother to say. Fitz didn't want to ruin this moment, fragile and enjoyable as it was.