Private Finished Saviour

Shul was really worried. He got worried easily, Shul knew that, but Shul also knew in Sark's case it was surely justified. Shul had dealt with many kinds of different people in his life, and many of them had had PTSD. Shul knew the symptoms, the signs before a lapse, and knew the treatments. Of course he would never try to treat PTSD himself, that should be handled by a professional. And now he was just mentally rambling.

Shul was flying, he had just dropped by Sifa's and Fweiu's apartment to take Vivra there to sleep. But right now even knowing he had an adorable niece didn't chip away from the worry. Shul was just concentrated on looking at street signs, trying to find Sark's apartment.
Finally he spotted it and landed smoothly before it. The wind had chilled Shul and he quickly withdrew his wings and put his hoodie back on.

Shul started making his way to the door but hesitated a bit on the way. Shul didn't want to seem like the kind of annoying boyfriend that made "surprise visits". No, he had told Sark he would see him later. Why could that later be now? Yes, it totally could. And Sark didn't seem like the type to be bothered by such things. Shul, convinced, walked the rest of the way to the door but when he got closer he saw the door was open. And he heard Sark's voice from inside.

"Sark?"
Shul called out and opened the door rest of the way. Sark was standing, his back to the door. Shul had barely heard the word Sark had uttered. Beta.
Shul's worries grew a bit as he took a step inside, and forced his voice calm.
"Sark, can you hear me? Where are you now?"

Sark wasn't here, Shul could see it clearly. He was somewhere else, somewhere much darker and far away. Sark called out, probably to his friends and brother. His voice broke Shul's heart. And when Sark turned around to look at him Shul wasn't sure if Sark really saw him. Or something else.
"Sark, do you know who I am?"
That was answered when Sark came to him. It all happened so fast Shul didn't even have time to get scared or startled. First Sark's hand was on his face, gentle like in the beach. But the next second Sark slammed Shul against the wall and Shul grimaced a bit. He knew he would have some bruises. But they would heal fast, and Sark wouldn't have to look at them. That was good. Shul knew Sark would loathe himself if he knew he had hurt Shul.
Sark screamed at Shul, and Shul's ears hurt, since he did have better than average hearing. Shul's ears rang a bit but he had heard Sark's words, and he also knew they weren't meant for him. But Shul's chest hurt from all the heavy, dark feelings in Sark's voice and surprisingly Shul wanted to turn into a dragon and vanquish whoever made Sark feel those things. But there was no enemy, not in this moment. Although the enemy was very real for Sark.
Sark did jolt when Sark punched the wall next to him. But he wasn't scared. External injuries healed in no time. But what was ailing Sark could not be healed just like that. Shul only wished it all could be resolved by Sark beating him to pulp thinking Shul was his enemy.
Eventually Sark fell to his knees and Shul sank with him. Now he touched Sark lightly, having a loose hold from Sark's shoulders.
Shul was not good in conflict situations, he became tongue tied and afraid of talking. But in crisis Shul was the calm one. His mind turned serene and he had that kind of expression, serene and gentle but firm. And so was his voice.
"Sark, I'm Shul. You might not remember me now but I'm not trying to do anything to your friends. I'm not your enemy. I care about you. Wherever you are, can you try to come back to me? Can you do that?"
No matter how Sark would respond Shul was ready to accept it. Shul was not one to be shook easily. He had survived 50 years in the human society, getting by with his personality and charms alone. That had molded him to be strong. Strong enough to be there when Sark, his friend and so much more, needed it.
But Shul's fears and worry and doubts didn't go anywhere. They were just pushed to the side temporarily, there ready to burst out when crisis was over.

Shul wasn't surprised when Sark wasn't able to come back. He seemed really deep in his lapse, in the memories that overwhelmed him. Shul thought he probably wouldn't be able to drag him back by force. Shul stayed close to Sark as he hit the floor and spoke yet more words filled with sadness and anger.
But then Sark talked to Shul. Well, not Shul. He talked to Georgia. Sark's tone changed, Shul guessed she had been important to him. Shul's mind did not go nowhere near jealousy or even curiosity. He just wanted to help Sark get through this. So Shul smiled a little, gently, and kept his hands on Sark's shoulders. The hollow, sad laugh Sark let out was so unlike him Shul felt his chest tighten yet again.
"It's okay, you didn't get that mad. Don't worry about it."
Shul tried to sound relaxed, nonchalant, like it really wasn't a big deal.
"We were talking about this place. Where is it? I don't seem to remember."
Shul was heading into dangerous territory, he knew it. He really wished he wouldn't worsen Sark's state. Shul wished this Georgia person could help get Sark back into reality.

Shul let Sark talk, let the lapse progress at it's own pace. Even though it pained Shul to see Sark like this, to hear all those heartbreaking emotions in his voice. To think Sark had once lived them made Shul want to cry again.
But now was not the time for tears.
Shul let Sark go away from him and followed him after him so he wasn't more than a meter away from Sark. Shul watched Sark pick up the scarf, it looked tattered and torn but like it had been treasured. At the corner of his mind Shul wondered what meaning the scarf had.
Sark mentioned his father and Beta, again.
"They won't be mad. They care about you very much."
Shul answered quietly to Sark, not even sure if he could hear him

Sark started talking about dying and Shul's calm exterior nearly broke. But he was able to keep it together. Until the end, that was. When Sark said
It doesn't really matter.
Shul rarely got angry, but he got angry at Sark for saying those words. Angry and sad beyond belief. Shul went to Sark, and took his helmet gently but firmly between his hands. Fuck it even if Sark saw him as someone else. Shul couldn't let him put himself down like that.
"Don't say it doesn't matter. It matters, you matter. More than you know. You matter to Amne, Beta, Georgia, and your father. They missed you immensely You matter to me, you weirdo. So much."
Shul let out a shuttering sigh at the end, his voice was packed with feelings too. But Shul was able to keep tears at bay.
"Yes, you died once, a long time ago. But now you are alive again. Not just online, you live. Sark, you're alive. Here, with me."
Shul's voice broke a bit at the end when he was overwhelmed by his emotions. Shul let his head slump a bit as he still kept his hands on Sark's face. But they started to slip down.

Shul felt an odd mix of relief and frustration when Sark seemed to hear his words, but still sounded detached. But it meant he was regaining some of his grip. That was a good thing. Right?
But somehow Shul knew, even though Sark didn't have eyes, that he was still looking through him. Not at him. But as long as Shul's words reached him it was okay.
"Yes, they wouldn't. They love you."
Shul said gently, even though the distant tone is Sark's voice hurt him.

Shul raised his head a bit when Sark caught his hands from slipping but knew better than to hope too much. It could've just been an automatic reaction, not a sign that he was lucid again. And when Shul raised his gaze to look at Sark again his tone was still void of emotion and distant. What did he not understand?
That question answered itself when Sark raised his voice, shaking and seemingly angry. He sounded unlike Shul had heard him before. And somehow anger, minor and bottled down, inside Shul answered to that anger. Shul frowned a bit and tightened his grip.

"And I bet I wasn't made to be a fucking daycare teacher, not by a long shot. I was made to be a fearsome dragon, it was my only purpose. But things don't always go according to plan, do they?! I know that the best! You are loved, cared for and missed, Sark! And the fact is you are alive now, which is the best thing that happened, if not to you, then to me."
The level of anger in Shul's voice didn't match that of Sark's, but it would also be unlike anything Sark had ever heard from Shul. Shul was shaking too from all the contained emotions he still had inside of him. The ones Shul desperately kept controlled, for Sark's sake.

Shul barely noticed when Sark stopped shaking from his own trembling but he did notice the change in his tone. Shul recognized concern in his voice and again, relief washed over Shul when Sark uttered his name. Shul's own shaking eased a bit and he looked at Sark. He sounded confused. He wasn't completely back yet. Shul sighed and slowly lowered his forehead against Sark's. Just like he had done at the beach.
"I'm here because I care about you, so much. I'm worried about you, and I want to help you. Even if it isn't safe."
Shul smiled, just a little bit, and whispered his next words.
"Thank you for saying my name."