Private Paint Me a Pretty Picture

Sunny days, spring mornings, unicorns and butterflies. Jae stared at his blank canvas, his watercolors untouched beside him. Though Jae would never call himself artistically gifted, he tried and even practiced techniques outside class. When given a project he can start and finish it no problem. Even do a decent job of it. Today, today Jae stared at his blank canvas and felt a complete lack of inspiration.

He did not imagine bright, sunny fields to paint, nor any underwater landscapes that was his usual painting go to. The teen's mind was on the care package his aunt and uncle in Hawaii sent to him. Jae opened it before school, and inside found the usual magazines and small packages of Korean candy and snacks. The packages always came with a letter written by Auntie
Sol, but this time she included an envelope of photographs. She wrote how she found them in the attic and thought he'd enjoy having the copies.

The photos were taken while they still lived in Korea. Jae did not feel nostalgia looking at the photos, but quiet upset. One in particular stood out, he a smiling six year old holding up a fish he caught while fishing on the ocean. The differences between Jae and his child self went beyond mere age difference. You couldn't tell it was a photo of him at all. The face was completely different.

Jae really should get started on this project, but the teen made no move to begin.

Jae startled when Mr. Edwin spoke. The teen looked up at their teacher, and debated his answer. "There's no problem." The teen said, but the lie left his mouth uneasily. "I'm, um, just thinking of what I want to paint." Not quite a lie, as Jae did not know what he wished to paint. He simply failed to mention that he had no desire to paint at all.

It was wrong to purposefully ignore a class project like this. Worse yet to lie to a teacher who was always kind to him. Jae knew that, and felt guilt well up inside like a damn. The feeling warred with the unease he already felt. Ugly feelings that felt wrong when one was supposed to paint happy, colorful landscapes.

Jae felt himself tense as Mr. Edwin looked from the blank canvas to himself. Then relaxed as the teacher made no further comment than an 'alright' and an offer of help. Mr. Edwin moved on, distracted by other students, and left Jae to contemplate his canvas. He should get something down, especially before Mr. Edwin swings around again to see his progress.

Dipping his brush into the watery blue, Jae brushed across the canvas in wide strokes and went from there. Colors were added randomly and Jae belatedly realized this wouldn't work for the project brief. The teen stared at his colorful mess and felt dread crawl up his throat. What was he doing? This wasn't what Mr. Edwin asked for, and now he was going to fail the project. What would Aunt Taliah say when she found he failed an assignment? She expected excellent grades, and Jae felt obligated to provide them.

The teen had to salvage his canvas somehow. He dipped his brush into the dark blue and started adding shadows. With all his colors maybe he could pretend he was painting a coral reef the whole time. It sorta worked, as colorful splotches transformed into multi-branched corals. However, the composition was a mess and it was a mystery what the coral was attached too. Jae checked the clock and with a start realized class was almost over.

Jae studied his project and knew it didn't look good. The painting was an obvious step back from the skill and progress he showed in class prior. The teen didn't know what to do, or what he could do with so little time left. Mostly, Jae felt tired. Even while painting those pictures were there in the back of his mind. They left him feeling emotionally drained and depressed.

Jae heard Mr. Edwin's approach and winced. The teen scrambled to come up with a likely excuse for his work, or a promise to to better next time. Maybe he could come in after school and redo the project. Or something, anything to ensure a good grade. Then, Mr. Edwin's remark sounded so close to the kind of joke his aunt would tell that Jae couldn't respond immediately.

"I can redo it." He blurted. "I can take a canvas home and bring it back tomorrow. I can come back after school. I promise I can do better." He'll redo the project and get a good grade. So long as he could keep his grades up then his aunt would be pleased with him.

"I-I don't?" Jae asked, unsure of anything that could save his painting and grade. Still, he listened as Mr. Edwin talked and followed where the teacher pointed. Shade downwards like sunlight filtering through the water and lighten the coral. . . Jae was starting to see it in his head. And if he was understanding right he could get the lighting he wanted by working off white or ivory first.

Jae picked up his brush then hesitated. There wasn't enough time left in class. "Um, can I come back after school to finish it?" He could do all the things suggested and earn a better grade. "I'll try not to take so long." He added, realizing Mr. Edwin may have better things to do then waiting on Jae to finish work he should have completed in class.