It was all too quick, too much changing all at once. When Shay had buried herself in her room and hid her head, she'd cried, something she'd been doing too much of lately.
Eroshay was used to people leaving. She'd known something like this would happen, it always did. People didn't stay. Somehow she'd tricked herself into thinking it would all be different this time. Maybe it was Klaus' confidence when he told her he'd never leave. Or maybe she'd just wanted to think her bad luck was over.
But, this time, Shay wasn't going back to the orphanage. She wasn't going to have to pretend none of this had ever happened. Pleasant dreams too big for a nothing kid like her. This time, she'd fought for her family, and it had worked. She was sticking close with her siblings or trying.
When night came and went, Shay went in search of Cordelia in the morning, looking in all the usual places. Once she'd come upon her sister, Shay hesitated, feeling like she didn't belong. Wondering if Cori would hate her now. Think of her as a traitor.
"Hey, Cori, can we talk?" She asked, none of the normal assertion in her voice.
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pride untamed
It had certainly been a shock to recieve the news.
Cordelia had not been sure if she heard everything correctly or if was just her own hope that she had misheard it. The others confirmed what she thought was said - but it still felt like a dream. But Cordelia never dreamt, not that she could recall - and that night she did not sleep. The woman of pride had spent the night in her room and with the occasional walk around the manor in hopes of exhausting her body to the point in which maybe she could find herself tired enough for sleep. But it never came.
The demon had ignored her own hits taken by all these changes, as she was much like the others in terms of putting her family first. It was something she had admired about the family, that they always were a family unit first and a crime unit second even if sometimes it felt like such a hassle to see their parents. Not that was an issue now. The thought sent a lump in her throat that she finally swallowed with a cup of iced tea.
Her lack of sleep meant she was one of the first ones up, sitting at the island in the manors kitchen with her laptop and a few papers with her hand writing scrawled across it. The counter and her laptop were littered with stickynotes, covered in the golden haired womans short hand in scrawly writing. She had always been a creature of organization, a creature of habit.
"Shay." Smiled her sister, as if it was just another day. "Of course you can. Would you like some breakfast?" She finished typing something up on her laptop, before tilting the screen down. It had always been a habit of hers, as she could easily be distracted by work and she wanted to make sure her siblings knew they were heard.
There was an ache in her chest at the sight of her sister seeming to be so hesitant, so unsure. Everything was changing, and she knew it hit everyone hard - but there was an unmistakable fear in her sisters body language that filled her heart with dread. "What's on your mind, Shay?"
Cordelia had not been sure if she heard everything correctly or if was just her own hope that she had misheard it. The others confirmed what she thought was said - but it still felt like a dream. But Cordelia never dreamt, not that she could recall - and that night she did not sleep. The woman of pride had spent the night in her room and with the occasional walk around the manor in hopes of exhausting her body to the point in which maybe she could find herself tired enough for sleep. But it never came.
The demon had ignored her own hits taken by all these changes, as she was much like the others in terms of putting her family first. It was something she had admired about the family, that they always were a family unit first and a crime unit second even if sometimes it felt like such a hassle to see their parents. Not that was an issue now. The thought sent a lump in her throat that she finally swallowed with a cup of iced tea.
Her lack of sleep meant she was one of the first ones up, sitting at the island in the manors kitchen with her laptop and a few papers with her hand writing scrawled across it. The counter and her laptop were littered with stickynotes, covered in the golden haired womans short hand in scrawly writing. She had always been a creature of organization, a creature of habit.
"Shay." Smiled her sister, as if it was just another day. "Of course you can. Would you like some breakfast?" She finished typing something up on her laptop, before tilting the screen down. It had always been a habit of hers, as she could easily be distracted by work and she wanted to make sure her siblings knew they were heard.
There was an ache in her chest at the sight of her sister seeming to be so hesitant, so unsure. Everything was changing, and she knew it hit everyone hard - but there was an unmistakable fear in her sisters body language that filled her heart with dread. "What's on your mind, Shay?"
Cordelia acting like this was just another day didn't nurse Shay's worries over the matter. She breathed out slowly. Nervous or not, Shay didn't want to pussyfoot around this. Things had to be said. Discussions had to be made. She hated this, but it was what it was.
Shay took a seat beside Cordelia, watching her sister's face for any change in expression. "You know what I want to talk about, Cori. All this. Everything that has happened the past few days. You're acting all fine, but I know that means you're not. So, what's on your mind?"
Eroshay hated feeling like this. As if she'd somehow betrayed all of them when she was doing what she thought was right for their lives. Their futures. Was this what making the right decision always felt like? Was she leading them into some trap? Some emotional situation where they'd only end up hurt? Was it like the orphanage all over again?
No. No, Shay wouldn't let it be like the orphanage. She was older and smarter now. She had people to protect, even if she was certain she'd be losing a vast majority of them due to recent events.
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pride untamed
Somehow she had expected this; Shay telling her to stop the bullshit immediately and just talk about it. The two of them were alike in that way - loving knowing and hating the bullshit people put in their way to get to it. It was really only a matter of time before even she came crashing down.
"What's on my mind is the others, Shay, you know that. How we're going to support what we have now, and make sure our siblings are cared for." Cordelia told her. It was not necessarily a lie - she was drowning in all the arrangements that had to be made to take care of everyone. She wanted the younger siblings to be cared for, for the older siblings to not feel like they had the weight of the world on their shoulders.
Like Shay already did.
The child of pride looked over to her sister again without her lips curled up into a smile as it seemed to always be. "All of this has hit you particularly hard, Shay." She began slowly. "You talk with the others and then you break down in your room with the door locked. I'm passive but I'm not stupid..."
She pressed her lips into a thin line but continued. "You know none of these changes are going to make me - us - hate you. You're doing what you know to be best for this family. That's why we trusted you to help guide us through all of this."
"What's on my mind is the others, Shay, you know that. How we're going to support what we have now, and make sure our siblings are cared for." Cordelia told her. It was not necessarily a lie - she was drowning in all the arrangements that had to be made to take care of everyone. She wanted the younger siblings to be cared for, for the older siblings to not feel like they had the weight of the world on their shoulders.
Like Shay already did.
The child of pride looked over to her sister again without her lips curled up into a smile as it seemed to always be. "All of this has hit you particularly hard, Shay." She began slowly. "You talk with the others and then you break down in your room with the door locked. I'm passive but I'm not stupid..."
She pressed her lips into a thin line but continued. "You know none of these changes are going to make me - us - hate you. You're doing what you know to be best for this family. That's why we trusted you to help guide us through all of this."
"'Support what we have now?'" Shay asked some heat to her tone. "What we have now is our siblings, Cori. I did this for them. They shouldn't have to give up their lives to support the gang, neither should you. Neither should I. That isn't our fucking legacy, you know?"
She paused to calm herself down and breathed slowly. She had to move, to pace from one end of the kitchen to the other, restless and angry. Not at Cordelia, but at everyone, everything. Mad at herself for having believed that things could be different, just this once.
"Of course it's hit me hard! It's just another family gone. Back when Theo and I were in the orphanage, this is what it was, every time. For one reason or another we weren't good enough, then Klaus came along and scooped me up. Told me he'd stay forever and just when I started to believe him..."
Shay stopped pacing and looked at her feet, the sting of tears returning anew. She rubbed her face with her arm and met Cordelia's eyes.
"Vito once said something that really resonated with me. When I told him I didn't want to have the Rosales name because I didn't want to ride on its coattails, he told me that they would know me as a Rosales, but remember me as Shay.
"Do you understand, Cori? The Rosales gang, that's not ours. That's not our fame. It's a shadow we're hiding in to feel safe. It's a fallacy. I took this deal because I realized I didn't want you all to hide in the so-called security it gave. I didn't want you all to be remembered as the Rosales gang. As the Rosales kids. I want you guys to be remembered as Cordelia, as Caelin, as Sherry, and Annie, and Roa. Do you get it?
"It's your choice, Cori, I won't hate you or resent you no matter which you choose, but understand this wasn't just for the younger kids. It was for you, too. For you to make a name for yourself, to give you that chance when you'd never have had it before. You don't have to be this. We don't have to be this. We're so much more."
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pride untamed
As Shay spat at her, Cordelia stayed silent. It was better to just let her get all of this out, all of the fear and frustration. All of the rage. All of this that she bottled up despite Cordelia's best efforts to keep that jar from closing.
Her hand rested on the papers in front of her, her eyes glazed over as she just listened to her sister's argument for all of this. She was listening, but she wanted it all to sink in before she responded. But as Shay continued, for once Cordelia found herself at a loss for words. There was no statement she could give that would reassure her that maybe this family could still be a family without their parents. That the younger ones would be allowed to have this safe life no matter where they decided to go.
Her lips pressed into a thin line, her teeth digging into her tongue until she could taste the bitter copper of her own blood. The mention of both parents made her heart drop into her stomach and her throat form a lump. There was a part of her who wanted to cry at the reminder, the weight feeling heavier on her shoulders. But at the same time, she knew that crying would not help this situation at all, even if it showed just how human she could be.
When Shay finally finished, there was a long pause of silence. The horned teenager looked back to her papers, remembering scrawling all of the things she wanted to do with her life - hanging it up over her desk to remind her what her goals were. But she also remembered one by one crossing them out not because she had done them... but because as she grew older she knew they could never happen.
"...I know." Was all she could choke out, before lowering her head to try to clear her throat and force her tears to disappear just for a damn minute. "I understand why you've done what you have. And I appreciate that you're giving the others this chance." She paused again, wanting to chose her words carefully as not to get yelled at again. "I haven't made my decision yet..."
Just give me more time. She knew she couldn't use that excuse, not here and not now. Not with everything changing. Eventually she would have to make her decision, and the deadline was approaching. But the one she always went to for guidance was gone, and it was a hard decision at this fork in the road.
Her hand rested on the papers in front of her, her eyes glazed over as she just listened to her sister's argument for all of this. She was listening, but she wanted it all to sink in before she responded. But as Shay continued, for once Cordelia found herself at a loss for words. There was no statement she could give that would reassure her that maybe this family could still be a family without their parents. That the younger ones would be allowed to have this safe life no matter where they decided to go.
Her lips pressed into a thin line, her teeth digging into her tongue until she could taste the bitter copper of her own blood. The mention of both parents made her heart drop into her stomach and her throat form a lump. There was a part of her who wanted to cry at the reminder, the weight feeling heavier on her shoulders. But at the same time, she knew that crying would not help this situation at all, even if it showed just how human she could be.
When Shay finally finished, there was a long pause of silence. The horned teenager looked back to her papers, remembering scrawling all of the things she wanted to do with her life - hanging it up over her desk to remind her what her goals were. But she also remembered one by one crossing them out not because she had done them... but because as she grew older she knew they could never happen.
"...I know." Was all she could choke out, before lowering her head to try to clear her throat and force her tears to disappear just for a damn minute. "I understand why you've done what you have. And I appreciate that you're giving the others this chance." She paused again, wanting to chose her words carefully as not to get yelled at again. "I haven't made my decision yet..."
Just give me more time. She knew she couldn't use that excuse, not here and not now. Not with everything changing. Eventually she would have to make her decision, and the deadline was approaching. But the one she always went to for guidance was gone, and it was a hard decision at this fork in the road.
@Foxy
Shay could tell Cori was nervous all of a sudden. Because of her outburst? Shay wanted to scream. If her siblings weren't disregarding half the shit she said, they were listening and acting like beaten puppies. She didn't think she could keep this up.
Eroshay wanted to be a teenager. To sneak out and kiss boys and girls. To laugh and be carefree. To break the rules. Shay sighed and tried again softer this time.
"Cordelia, hasn't there been things you've wanted to do but couldn't? Because of this lifestyle? Because of all the adult responsibilities, you shouldn't even have?"
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pride untamed
"Of course I do." Cordelia grit her teeth, taking a breath as to try to not snap at her sister. "...Of course I did. But I know that this was the life that I had.." Chosen was not the right word. She had been handed over as a favor. Lucifer never did anything unless he got something out of it - even if it was some kind of sick form of entertainment. Her own demons reminded her every day.
She could feel her patience wearing thin, from the stress of her work and from the brief annoyance from what she felt she had been accused of. Of course she cared about her siblings. She had thought about life if she was human or if another family had taken her. If she had never left hell or if she had just been dropped off in another country. But she felt she couldn't afford to dwell too much on the decisions of a Prince of Hell who's decisions never made sense to her in the first place.
Pressing her lips into a line again, she picked back up. "This is the life I was given, Shay. And if you want to give up this part of your life - I'm not going to stop you." She wanted to make that painfully clear. "The goal of you coming to me this morning was for you to find out what my decision and take on this was, wasn't it? I've given you my answer to both."
She could feel her patience wearing thin, from the stress of her work and from the brief annoyance from what she felt she had been accused of. Of course she cared about her siblings. She had thought about life if she was human or if another family had taken her. If she had never left hell or if she had just been dropped off in another country. But she felt she couldn't afford to dwell too much on the decisions of a Prince of Hell who's decisions never made sense to her in the first place.
Pressing her lips into a line again, she picked back up. "This is the life I was given, Shay. And if you want to give up this part of your life - I'm not going to stop you." She wanted to make that painfully clear. "The goal of you coming to me this morning was for you to find out what my decision and take on this was, wasn't it? I've given you my answer to both."
@Foxy
"Yes," Shay cried, frustration reaching its erupting point. "Yes, it was. And it was the life we were all given, but we have a chance to fucking take it back Cordelia."
Then Cordelia gave her a somewhat polite fuck off, and Shay gritted her teeth at her sister. Shay drew in close to Cori, voice low and strained. "I'm not giving up anything. I'm taking back what I was forced to abandon. Don't you think I couldn't get back into crime later in my life if I fucking wanted?
"If you want to give me the fuck off right now, Cordelia, because you're afraid in the decision you're making, fine, but don't come crying to me about lost dreams later in life. Or the stress of everything. Don't put all that on me."
She stood back up straight and walked stiffly to the door, stopping and looking over her shoulder, trying to hide the anger on her face.
"The options always open when you decide not to let your pride rule your life."
With that said, Shay left the kitchen.
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