I wish I couldn't remember

It had been a shocking blow for the spider. She had learned that the woman she had taken care of the last few days was the fiance of the woman she loved. She knew she loved Malara. Even if she couldn't remember it, she knew in her heart, the feelings that existed. It was love, deep and true, and now it hurt, and strangely enough in a familiar way. She had felt this heartache before. Maybe that was why she had gone for Cat. Some deep-seeded resentment for stealing her love, and breaking her heart. That didn't explain now why she hadn't torn the girl apart, and now just left her feeling more confused.

She had just spent time with Malara, they had... As if across a void found each other, like echoes in the dark. They had touched, embraced, and while she wouldn't have admitted it, she had felt comfort. For that brief period she felt whole. And now she was torn apart.

Pandora tore up the flight of stairs after silently excusing herself from the main room. Floor after floor she climbed, faster and faster until she burst through a door and out into the light of the sun. She was on the roof. Alone, free to do what she wanted, to say and act how she felt. The sun burned her skin a little, The strain that had increased her sensitivity to light had now either begun to settle down or perhaps she was already in too much pain to care.

She took a second or two, squinting in the light, cursing it. When it did not fade however she took action. In a fit of rage, she approached a vent that provided air intake for one of the AC units and dug her fingers into the thin steel. It groaned and shrieked it's disapproval as she rocked it back and forth until she managed to tear the duct right off the roof. It had to weigh several hundred pounds and contained a great deal of hardware needed to keep that one AC running.

Pandora let out a yell of continued frustration as she ran at towards the edge of the building and hurled the unit with every bit of force she could muster. It had to have flown a hundred feet before it crashed down in the parking lot, missing vehicles and people alike. It did cause several people to look up at the roof, and point at her while she leaned over the edge surveying the damage. A few orderlies in white had even begun running towards the building, no doubt intent on getting a team together to bring her down.

Pan didn't care. They could put her to sleep and it would at least make the hurting stop. Give her a moment of peace.

@Kadakism

She continued to lean over the edge, watching the men in white suits running around. Some had come out of the building, some had run in. All were confused. It wouldn't take them long to put it all together. They were probably on the way here now. Soon, all the hurting would end soon.

When the door had opened it had been surprisingly sooner than she had expected, but none the less she welcomed the intrusion. "Well it's about...." Malara's voice cut her off. The Goddess had chased her up here, had gotten to her first, and was now standing to look at her as confused as she was. The difference was her own confusion hurt, It burned her, and made her feel things she hadn't expected or cared for.

Pandora had not actually expected Malara to show up here. Not like this anyways. She turned rather hastily wiping a few fresh tears from her face so that she could face the goddess.

"Don't worry.. It's just stupid feelings. I don't even understand it. And I threw that thing off the roof because it was stupid... And I wanted to hit a car... AND I MISSED... I ALWAYS MISS." She had started to cry now, her teenage hormones had flooded her mind and overwhelmed her senses. She was going to cry. It didn't matter who saw it. It didn't matter what they thought.

"I felt something with you... Something... Warm and good. I don't know. I can't even rememebr who you are but I felt something in my heart...." Explaining it hurt. It made her angry. She didn't want to admit her feelings, she wanted to wreck things, to make a scene, she wanted to show her hurt.

"It's stupid.. I don't even have you. I felt like I did.. And I don't You have her.. And she is sitting in my warehouse... I didn't even know who she was." Pandora sighed and walked over to an air shaft and stabbed her leg through the flimsy metal. It was sharp against her armored appendage and even managed to cut into the armored exoskeleton, leaving a small drip of dark red blood.

"I was so stupid... so so stupid..."

Pan wanted to pull away. She wanted to back up and yell, and curse and say terrible things. But something about Mal, her touch she never wanted to pull away from that. those same feelings were stirring as the goddess inspected her leg. She was a slave to this touch, even now in her worked up state her heart managed to beat faster, and it was for Mal and no other reason. This woman could do things to her that she couldn't even begin to understand. Still, she tried to resist, tried to keep from blowing up, or shutting down, or being anything other than what she thought she was. she had to be hard.

It wasn't until Pan saw the tattoo on Malara's thigh that things started to fit together. suddenly her fears were challenged, her anger no longer justified, her reaction, over the top. tears formed in her eyes again. The ones from higher up ran down into her lower eyes obscuring her vision as she reached out to touch Mal's thigh. How had she not noticed this earlier? They had been intimate, why hadn't she seen it? Maybe caught in the moment she found herself ignoring little details. In truth, this wasn't a little detail. It was something big, maybe not in size, but in value.

"Malara... I don't remember anything... I'm trying. But feelings. they seem so familiar and so real." Pan didn't know how else to go about explaining what was in her head, or in this case what wasn't there. So far her attempts to communicate had felt more like a tantrum than anything. Maybe it was. maybe it was all just a way to burn off the hurt without actually getting to the bottom of things. A bandaid rather than a fix.

"Seeing you... touching you. even kissing you. It made me feel full..." She stopped talking as a new sound caught her attention. She turned a quick look to the door to the roof and noticed several people peeking around the corner at them. As soon as they were spotted they quickly slipped back and out of sight. Orderlies no doubt assessing the situation. Perhaps they wanted to see how this played out. Maybe they knew if they burst in right now, they would have both Pan and Mal to contend with, and that would not end well for anyone. If they waited they were smart.

"I don't know what you have with her... But I think I'm jealous.... No I know I'm jealous." It hurt to admit. She started crying again. Her leg didn't hurt, she couldn't feel it. everything outside was numb. but her heart hurt. She hadn't removed her hand from Malara's thigh while she talked, that touch, that intimacy, that unspoken understanding that they shared through contact was the only thing keeping her settled.

"I can't remember what I did wrong... but I'm sorry... I'm sorry for whatever it was. I don't want to lose you either." Her voice cracked as she began her apology. She had assumed by this point she had done something wrong to warrant this. There was no way for her to know otherwise, not yet.

Pandora wanted to laugh. She wanted to make some snappy comment to hide behind. She wanted to pretend like she wasn't hurting. Somehow that just felt better. But in this moment there was nothing for her to say that could possibly hide herself from Malara anymore. A moment later and Malara had stepped up onto a vent so that they were at the same height again. Pandora blinked a few times as she was pulled into a tight embrace. It was warm, comforting, and so familiar. It caused her heart to slow, and her fears to settle, even at that moment. That was the effect Mal had always had on her. comfort beyond comfort.

She didn't know what Mal could be jealous of. She couldn't remember their past arguments, the few problems they had survived through. Still, she couldn't help but believe her. She had, after all, chased Pandora up here, had been tattooed for her, and was willing to put up with whatever this was now. Maybe she had felt insecure once. Maybe they had faced a similar scenario from the other side. Pandora was a demon of lust after all. Perhaps Malara had sat back once afraid that Pan was going to leave her for someone else.

She couldn't help but feel that perhaps they were more alike than they really knew. Even with her memories broken, she felt her heart in the other woman. It was more than strange, but it still made her feel better. "I'm sorry for whatever I did... When I made you jealous. I can't remember how. But, I'm sorry I did." She said as she was showered with a quick assault of kisses.

Pandora could hear the Orderlies stepping out onto the roof now. They were getting bolder as things seemed to calm down. Still, the intrusion was not welcome. Not yet at least. This was a tender and heartwarming moment in the making.

"I think, though, we might need to continue this conversation a little later. It seems my escort has arrived to see me safely Sedated and restrained." She forced a small giggle, before pulling Malara into a quick proper kiss. After a few moments, she pulled back and slowly backed up towards the Orderlies. She knew what was coming, it was what she had been counting on before Malara had shown up anyways. Now she needed to see this part through so they could get on with the rest.

"Just come find me after I wake up okay hun?" That was the last thing she managed to say before she felt a sharp sting in her upper arm, as one of the orderlies stuck her with a syringe full of something or other. Within moments Pandora had dropped down, passing out entirely before a power nullifying bracelet was locked onto her wrist. her appearance began to change as soon as it closed, turning her into her human form.