Private Finished Hidden Hideousness

Yes, she did go to therapy, of course she did. Helena would've voluntarily gone even if her parents hadn't basically thrown her at a skilled therapist. Helena went to regalia realm few times a week for that therapist, but she wasn't sure if they were actually helping her. Helena still had horrible nightmares, relived those horrible nights she spent with her kidnappers, and her nonexistent thumb ached every time Helena woke up.
Yes, it was fair to say Helena was not fine. She was hanging in there, but with her changed appearance she didn't even know who she was anymore. Helena felt like a stranger was acting as her, it wasn't really her.
And even though Helena had said these things to the therapist it hadn't done much good.

But even if Helena was mentally unstable it was unlike her to get a panic attack in the middle of a class. It was history class, and they were discussing the Russian revolution. And Helena didn't know what, but something in that topic flipped a switch inside her. Her vision got blurry, and suddenly Helena couldn't breathe as memories of both her childhood kidnapping and the recent one started playing in her head. Helena was able to keep it together for long enough to ask for permission to leave early. The teachers knew what Helena had gone through and were very lenient on her, so Helena was able to leave with no problems. Helena shuffled out of the class, and tumbled the moment she got out of the door. So, what now? Helena didn't want to be alone, but she didn't want her friends seeing her like this, and definitely not her parents.
Only one option came to mind, and Helena started her long walk to the dorms.

Helena didn't know if Destra was in his room, so she sent him a text that just said "I'm at your room.". Helena didn't want to cause Destra to get overly worried beforehand, since she suspected he was going to worry a lot when he saw Helena's state. Which was a shivering mess that sat next to his dorm room door. Few guys walked past her, looking down at her funny, but she didn't care. Helena kept her face pointed down, trying to steady her breathing. But the images didn't go away. Helena cursed under her breath, her thumb was hurting too, and she squeezed both her hands into fists.
Was it wrong to wish Destra had killed her kidnappers after all?
And that was when Helena knew her face was doing the thing, that she looked hideous. Because she was feeling anger and hatred.
Why did the universe think mocking Helena was so funny?

Helena hadn't thought that Destra would've been in. For some reason she was under the impression he would've still been at Mystique's practice. So when Destra suddenly opened the door Helena jumped and looked up at him with a startled expression. But it turned into relief soon after, just seeing Destra's face was enough to calm Helena's nerves a bit.
A bit, that was. She was still pretty much a mess.

"I thought you were still at Mystique. Besides, maybe I liked sitting on the floor."
Helena answered, but didn't really have the energy to smile. She took Destra's hand and stood up, ignoring how her legs shook slightly.
"Though I've done my whole life's worth of sitting on floors..."

Once Helena stepped inside the room she didn't really know what to say, or do, or anything. So she just leaned against Destra and sighed deeply against his shoulder.
"I just...suddenly remembered everything. I couldn't stay in class. We were talking about Russian revolution, maybe it was something about the mass murder, I don't know, but it all came back, I don't know why."
Helena muttered this all against Destra's shoulder, she just needed to voice her thoughts.

The way Destra said it kinda sounded like they were going to be together for several lifetimes, and at that moment Helena found that thought comforting. She smiled a bit, and chuckled.
"I guess if you're sitting with me it's not so bad."

Destra's nest was comfortable, and Helena always felt calm when she was nestled in it with him. This time was no different, though Helena still felt agitated and restless. But she refused to cry.
"If you say that I'll just end up living here..."
Helena said and let out a bit bitter, amused scoff. That thought, in this situation, was also comforting.

"It's not fair that you have to deal with my package on top of your own. And sometimes when I see the nightmares and wake up I feel like..."
Helena squeezed her thumbless hand into a fist, and clenched her jaw in a sudden burst if anger.
"I feel like I should've let you kill them. Maybe I'd feel more at peace if they were dead."
Helena could feel her aura kick in, and could almost tell that her face was now distorted and hideous. She brought one hand up and covered her face.
"Don't look at me right now. I'm doing it again."

Of course Destra would say that, and of course he was right. Helena knew she didn't want anyone dead, and she didn't want to be the one responsible for anyone's death. Helena just wanted for all of this to make sense, and for everything to go back to normal. It took her so long to get over her last experience, who knew how long this would take? It could make Helena into a completely different person, and she didn't want that. That could drive everyone away. Her parents, her friends, Destra...
So Helena pretended, and just...survived. Because the alternative was frightening.

Helena didn't move her hand, but she could tell Destra was looking at her. Helena knew her appearance probably didn't matter to Destra all that much, but still she didn't want him to see her like this. Helena peeked from between her fingers at him, and was surprised to be greeted by the sight of Destra looking...pretty damn ugly. And his words were touching, and made Helena let out a small surprised and kind of shocked laugh.
"What a waste of good looks."
Helena said in a sad attempt to joke. It felt weird to smile when she was still feeling like crap. Helena couldn't hold back anymore, and few tears fell from her eyes. She wiped them away, not bothering to cover her face anymore though the aura was still in effect. Sorrow apparently counted as an "ugly" feeling.
"I wish I had you with me the last time I was kidnapped..."

It was nice, to be able to smile with Destra even in this situation. It gave Helena hope that maybe she might survive through this more or less as the same person.
"You've become pretty good with my ability. I should be worried about getting left behind."
Helena said with a small smile and touched her hand to Destra's cheek. She wasn't really at all repulsed or such, just like Destra wasn't by how she looked. After all, it was a firm belief of Helena's that the beauty that mattered was on the inside, and Destra was really beautiful in that sense.

What ifs and being angry over what they didn't do wasn't going to help in this situation. Even Helena wondered how different it could've been, if she had taken the car, or had taken those damn bodyguards.
"I'm just happy you were there for me this time. It was the biggest relief of my life when you caught me and I knew you were there."
Helena sent a slightly more energetic smile at Destra, and scooted a bit closer and made herself comfortable in his arms. Helena closed her eyes briefly, and finally her breathing was steady, and her aura stopped working and she looked like herself again.
"I really need to get a bracelet to block that..."
Helena muttered to herself.

Helena nodded at Destra's suggestion, not wanting to move where she was now. She gave herself the permission to be a bit selfish, she needed this right now.
"That sounds good. I don't really want to be alone right now..."
Helena felt comfortable about showing this weak side only to Destra and her parents. Yes, Helena acted spoiled sometimes, and could complain about stupid things, but she actively tried to stay strong and remain a rock for those that needed someone to lean on. But even a rock needed its own rock sometimes.