Private Finished Hi, I Love Y O U

Shay got home later afternoon via a squad car. An ankle bracelet was strapped on, and she was instructed all the usual about how it wouldn't shock her or malfunction if it got wet and messing with it would alert the police. She'd be given leeway out of her apartment during her appointed therapy session with Valli.

She'd already told Fitz she'd be home later, but he wasn't home yet. For the best, she'd like to get settled in before she spoke with him.

Once the police were gone, Shay locked the front door and went into her and Fitz's bedroom, falling face first onto the bed and inhaling his scent from his pillow. She'd missed it, even if sleeping with a power nullification bracelet meant better dreams.

She willed any tears she might have shed back and lie curled on the bed waiting for Fitz's return. She wondered if he'd still want her to sleep next to him at night. Or kiss him. Or touch him.

Yes, she thought. Because Fitz didn't use those things as a weapon like so many in the past had. He genuinely enjoyed her touch too. He enjoyed her near, she promised herself.

He wouldn't deny her physical affection, or force it on her, like people of the past. He was honest with her. He was fair and good, and that made Shay less worried.

She curled into the fetal position, unable to sleep away the time, but kept her eyes closed and her breathing even anyway.

Shay sat with Fitz, reclining on the opposite side of the couch and watching him as somber as she could manage. She was trying to keep any gut punch feelings inside and hated the idea that he might be searching her face. She wanted to look down but didn't.

That last bit hurt. Like worst fears coming to life. Fitz thought she was some deranged killer now, didn't he? The thought that she might fly off the handle at any second. Kill someone without a damn care.

"What? No," Shay said, doing a poor job of hiding the hurt in her voice. "Is that what — Is that why you think I did it? 'Cause he pissed me off or because he reminded me of Klaus?"

Shay rubbed the back of her head, where the old wound had long since healed. She didn't want to go into detail about what had happened, even if Fitz had the right to know.

It made her feel dirty all over again, and then Fitz would look at her and only see all the grime people of the past had left behind. Which wasn't much worse than what he saw now, likely.

"There isn't ever a good reason to murder a person," Shay said slowly with a clear intended but there that she never said. "I didn't kill him because I was angry. I did it because I was scared."

Shay paused.

"You don't believe it was self-defense?"

Shay visibly flinched when Fitz compared her to his late foster father and all the color drained from her face. The best explanation of her expression then could have been: careful.

"I don't deny having a lot of anger in me," she said in the way someone walking around a verbal mind field might have been. "I lost it. But I don't ever want to do that again. I'm not like those people."

She let that settle, stared Fitz in the eye. His answer that he'd believe her word felt wholly unsatisfactory.

"If I were like those people you think I would have called you crying? Or that you would have had to hold me back from turning myself in over and over. Or that I'd have talked so quickly. It's not like I went there planning on killing anyone. I didn't see him and put myself in a situation to kill him."

Only then did Shay break eye contact. She inhaled and exhaled slowly, locked her jaw and looked off to the side as an excuse not to him to see his face.

"It's like you think I'm some rabid dog now. I tasted blood once, and suddenly everyone thinks I'm going to go full psycho killer. Angelo doesn't think it was self-defense either.

"That's fine. It's fine."