Private Finished Going Past Friendship

As it turned out, Maddie wasn't the only one of them dreading the conversation that was about to happen. Jazz had been putting off talking to her friend about how she felt for a long time now, at the very least ever since the party. The more she thought about it as well, she had progressively realized more that observations she had made and feelings she had prior to that had probably been romantic in nature, which served to make her feel further worried and guilty, as well as solidifying in her head that she needed to tell her.

The knock on the door shocked the bear girl out of her endless cycle of anxious rumination, and she immediately moved off the couch to go and answer it. Her heart was already pounding due to the terrifying anticipation of what was ahead, but opening the door to see the girl she'd been hopelessly crushing on kicked it a few notches higher. Maddie looked as pretty as ever, and she almost reflexively complimented her, but opted not to out of worry for overwhelming her. "A-ah, hey. Come on in."

Jazz lead her over to the couch, two mugs of chamomile tea already prepared and set on the coffee table. She couldn't help but think back to the last time they were sitting here together like this, briefly furrowing her brow, and desperately hoping the tone ended up much different. Without entirely realizing it, Jazz had done more than usual to pretty herself up, makeup, hair and nails done, and a new-ish button up and skirt as opposed to her typical baggy attire. She was quiet for a few moments, visibly trying to collect herself and only partially succeeding. "...S-so. Um. This is...kind of hard to start. I'm not sure how."

Well, fuck. Just as she was about to force herself to start talking, Jazz's train of thought was catastrophically derailed by Maddie complimenting her. Just about as fast as was humanly possible, a deep rose blush spread across her cheeks, and she quickly grabbed for her mug to sip from it and try to cover her face a bit. Very casual, yep. She nodded a little while she drank, then set her tea back down and immediately began fidgeting with her hair.

"I, ah, th...thanks." She psused for a moment, her voice going a bit softer and more unsure. "Um...you too, of course." It was relieving at least that Maddie seemed okay with waiting to let her collect herself. A minute or so passed by of her trying to work up to it, taking occasional, long sips of tea, and eventually she managed to speak again.

"...Maddie, um...I have to be honest with you. It's scary, beyond scary, but I can't keep burying my feelings, and, just..." Jazz closed her eyes for a few moments, folding her hands in her lap and doing her best to control her breathing. She had to just come out and say it. "...I...like you, a lot. And, for a while now, I've realized that it's...um. Not just as a friend. I couldn't say anything before because I've been terrified of losing you if I'm honest, but I couldn't do it anymore." As soon as she finished, she finally managed to look into Madeline's eyes for a few moments, albeit moments that felt far longer.

It took Jazz a fair few seconds to try and fully process Maddie's reaction. All things considered, it was much, much better than she expected. She didn't seem freaked out by her confession,and that had been the scariest possible outcome in her mind. At the same time, she was unsure how to approach Madeline's apparent confusion and trepidation, which wasn't something she had any room to be judgemental about. Jazz wasn't exactly a stranger to being oblivious to the obvious after all.

Trying to formulate her thoughts into the appropriate words, she finished off her tea, but held onto the warm mug anyway for just a bit of tactile comfort. "...Maddie. I love Deacon, but obviously I also have, um...pretty deep feelings for you. You already pointed out that you were able to read what I wanted before, so obviously that's true, but..."

She sighed a little, rubbing at her neck. This was hard all around. "I wouldn't say I'm a lesbian. I'm definitely bi, even if I might lean more one way, and...that's okay. The label doesn't matter unless you want it to, to take comfort in that. All you have to be is you. I'm attracted to girls, and guys. And...yeah. Liking a certain person doesn't make you anything. You don't have to put your feelings into someone else's box, Maddie."

It was definitely relieving to hear Maddie admit out loud that she might be okay identifying that way. Jazz hadn't even needed her to say that, just as long as she accepted herself, but it probably helped. "Um, well...I guess I can't really relate there. I think I've known that I was attracted to girls for a pretty long time, and started noticing the same for guys a little bit after. And, um, that's fine, you know?"

Then, however, Maddie's wording clicked with her further, and the warmth in her cheeks spread and deepened noticeably. "The way you said that, though, um...I mean. Does that mean that you...also have a crush on me? It's okay if you don't, or you don't want to say it, or..."

Trailing off, Jazz couldn't bring herself to make eye contact anymore. Maddie had already said she was cute, but maybe that was just a platonic compliment? Really, she just wanted confirmation that their feelings were mutual, heart beating fast enough it nearly hurt as she waited for a response. Hoping it was a good one.

And there was the second, and arguably bigger hurdle. Nonetheless, she at least had a solution to it on her end of things. "...Um. Actually, I um...already talked to Deacon about that. I mean, first I talked to Alma a couple months ago since, y'know, she's in a healthy poly relationship, but...yeah. He said that he was okay with at least trying, and-"

Wait, no. This wasn't right of her, was it? She couldn't just expect Maddie to be fine with the idea of this kind of relationship, and she couldn't expect Shir to either. "I'm...sorry. I'm sorry. I'm being so stupid, just...I know that Deacon and I being okay with the idea doesn't really mean anything. I'm not going to make you say anything to Shir. I know how scary that is firsthand, and I don't even know of that's something that you'd want to do, and..." She had been talking on one long breath, eventually winding herself and drawing her knees up to her chest, shaking her head. "I'm sorry Maddie. Forget I said anything."