Fractures and Healing

Aswan never had been much of a people person.
Even back when she'd been alive, at the young age of 14, she'd never wanted to go to any of the dances, never wanted to bunch around in groups over the newest dress, or whatever it was. Books were her forte. Words were her saving grace. Pages were her solace. It'd been like that for years, even after death. And yet...
Words had been her saving grace, and yet she wielded them clumsily and without thought. Aswan had mostly turned to her logical side, which now dictated that after paying a very fortunate visit to her new teacher (and, she hoped, her new mentor), she would have to regain her motivation to work with the thing she knew the best - books. Now, though, she couldn't shake the feeling that, like Atlas, someone had taken the Earth off her shoulders.
Even her footsteps felt lighter, as she strode down the hallway, a rare soft smile still lingering on her lips. Her eyes darted around with a renewed sense of... maybe vitality? Perhaps. Her keys made a faint jingle in her pocket. Perhaps curiosity? Whatever the word was, as soon as she spotted the black-haired mage rounding the corner opposite, she froze.
"Aswan?"
Not her voice, but his. It took a moment to switch herself over from logical happiness from her meeting with her mentor.
"I... Are you okay?"
Aswan ignored her first instinct and gave him a once-over. He... looked sort of disheveled. Like he'd been staying up, worried about something. Or, she realized, ashamed, about someone. A someone she probably knew. Her eyebrows furrowed. He should have been taking care of himself! She was about to open her mouth to scold him... and then realized if she did so, it would be a huge act of hypocrisy, as she herself looked like she hadn't slept in weeks (because it was true.)
Instead, she took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Yes, I'm alright. You look, quite frankly, like death."

@Saber

They were both in a state of tension, it seemed. Twin messes, connected but in pain. How curious, Aswan though, that people have this effect on each other. He was right, of course. Her now-working logical side told her that, to solve a problem, one would have to discuss it. Especially with people. A small sigh escaped Roland, as he gave her the very same once-over she had given him.
The contact that Roland gave her hand only added nausea to nerves. Thank goodness he didn't grab it, as others would have done. For now, she used the other hand to open her tin of mints and pop one in her mouth. Hopefully that would help with that.
"That... that would be logical, yes." It was not lost on Aswan that he had been intentionally keeping himself away from her, as she asked, and dimly she was grateful that, even then, he had shown her respect, even as she had disrespected him.
They did need to talk.
"My dorm is close by, if that's alright. I was heading home in any case, so to have run into you on the way was convenient." It was her turn to sigh. She knew this would eventually happen, but she wasn't exactly looking forward to discussing everything she'd done wrong. No, she reasoned, she had to put away her pride. That was what had gotten her into this mess in the first place.

With a sigh, she took the lead back to her dorm. Her feet once again made soft thumping sounds as she strode down the halls, stopping only to take out her keys and slide them into the lock.
A few audible clicks later, she pushed open the door. Luckily, she'd been able to tidy it up a bit before her meeting with Mr. Evensman, and so it wasn't quite the pigsty it had been when Roland had last visited. some of the cans had been put away, the floor had been swept, the dishes had been done... All things considered, it looked lived-in but almost tidy.
As soon as Roland stepped in however, he'd made a beeline for her tea-making equipment, like he'd said he would. Aswan, though, simply pulled a chair out from the table and practically collapsed into it, closing her eyes for a moment. The sound of the tea kettle quietly steaming away calmed her, and some of the tension left her shoulders.
This went on for a few minutes, while Roland busied himself making the tea, and at the end of it, when the tea was set out and ready to drink, she opened her eyes, finally ready to face her mistake.
"Please, go ahead," she mumbled.
Here was the saddest part - she could understand, from a logical standpoint, what he was saying. It was absolutely illogical to refuse help, and yet she had. Illogical to push him away, and yet she had. It was not his fault. She had made the mistake. And before he could say anything else, she cut in.
"I have made a mistake," she said finally, a lump in her throat. "I'm sorry, I made a mistake. I never should have... should have p-pushed you away. It was completely illogical and irresponsible. I wish I had never done it, I'm sorry!"
The last part came out in a croak, and a tear ran down her cheek. She didn't bother to wipe it, but instead listened to Roland's reply.
"I... you're right. Is it alright if I explain the reasoning behind my actions? I... i think it would help to hear. I'm so sorry."
Love wasn't logical. And, as scary as that might have been, it was also frighteningly true.

Aswan took another deep breath, one of probably ten thousand she'd taken that night, and exhaled, taking her time to now think about her words.
"I... Well. I supposed that, ever since I had discovered that I would... that I would fade if not tied to this world - er, this plane... I was determined to not let you know, because I knew it would be upsetting. So I searched for a solution - yet I couldn't find anything. That's why I was so.. agitated that time. I was frustrated. I thought that I could keep you happy by keeping it from. I realize now I may have... I may have erred. No - I know I've made an error in judgement. It wasn't logical of me, but I was stubborn as a mule."
Now that she'd had time to enunciate and think over her words, the gentle brush of Roland's fingers against hers didn't make her quite as nauseous, the gentle squeeze not quite as bitter as she expected. Still, she took the time to swallow back whatever had been lurking in her throat.
I'm not going anywhere. How reassuring that was to hear... It was exactly what she needed to hear.
"Thank you for staying and bearing with my mistake."
Aswan took her cup in her left hand, where a bracelet gently brushed against her wrist, and lifted it up to her lips, taking a nice long swig of tea.