First Session: Oluremi

((This is happening before the virus even happened, so no one is sick.))

Remi stood outside the office, waiting for the right time to come in. She was early, so there was no rush to start things, but she was also nervous and on the edge of a panic attack. Everything felt blurry and tight, and for a moment she thought she should just leave. She shouldn’t have been doing this in the first place. Friends weren’t an option since they probably would just ditch her or act awkward around her knowing her family history, and speaking to her family about her issues was the equivalent of throwing herself off a cliff, surviving the fall, and being forced to live with the bodily damage for the rest of her life. Best person she could speak to was her grandparent, Archard, but when they were focused on working she was practically nonexistent. Sometimes they gave her a reassuring chat that made her feel safer... before throwing her back into the shark pit and telling her to keep shut.

Keeping Dr. Bryndísarson waiting wasn't an option though. If she was going to bail out she should have given some sort of explanation beforehand. He was probably waiting, knowing she was outside stalling. It probably looked awkward for a girl to just continuously stand in front of a door doing nothing anyways. Keeping her best apathetic face on, Remi opened the door and stepped into the simple office. It wasn’t anything spectacular, just green walls, a large window, a desk, filing cabinets, nothing to be too concerned about. Remi knew she should have been happy about this, but everything still felt tight and suffocating. It didn't stop her from speaking though, as she kept a reserved attitude and asked, “Um, am I in the right place? Dr. Bryndísarson?” A slight hint of confusion and anxiety escaped her voice, but otherwise it was monotone and pretty plain.

Remi wasn’t completely sure what she wanted to speak about today. The papers she sent him was mostly vague on her issues: just some bits and pieces on her having family relationship issues, trouble socializing, anxiety, stuff like that. She tried to make it sound pretty normal, though that was because she worried he would get her family in trouble if she said anything more. On some level she knew she would reveal that issue in more detail sooner or later, but she felt safer saying it out loud than having it written down. At least out loud her family wouldn’t be able to know she purposely revealed that information. One thing she did put into more detail was that this was her second family, since her mom, Ade, divorced. Maybe that would give her more time to figure out how to explain the other, more important, issues she’d been having.

((@Romi))

Dr. Bryndísarson didn't seem to mind how long it took for Remi to actually enter after lingering around for so long, but she only realized why after she glanced at the watch on her arm to see she was slightly early. So far everything seemed to be going well, aside from the tight feeling in her chest she was still having, but it wasn't like the world was on fire yet. In fact, Dr. Bryndísarson's kind and open looked made her feel calmer and safer, if only slightly.

Taking the seat furthest from him, just for comfort, Remi wasn't completely sure whether to give her hand out for a shake or not. He didn't give any indication of wanting a handshake, but she thought it was a formal thing to do. The formal way of being casual and friendly. Instead she was asked which name she preferred, something she wasn't completely sure how to answer. Often she just let people pick for her, and often that led to her simply being referred to as "Remi".

"Whatever you want. Remi is just... uh... Yeah, whatever you want to call me. S-Sorry." Despite never changing her expression, her dark brown cheeks glowed a golden hue as she tried to avoid looking at Dr. Bryndísarson completely. She wasn't actually sure where she wanted to go with that response, but the embarrassment from how she acted caused her body to stiffen and for her to pretend what she did didn't happen. Instead she focused on his explanation on the rules.

"Yeah, I getcha... I-I mean, I understand." It was hard remembering to be polite and formal. It felt easier to just speak to people in a casual way, no matter their age or reputation, but her maman didn't seem to agree.

Thinking about what Dr. Bryndísarson said, Remi once again realized that maybe this wasn't the best idea. These sessions could go one of two ways: she spoke about everything and got her family in huge trouble, basically betraying them, or she spoke about nothing really important and got help on really small, minor details in her life. Option One made her stomach feel like a black hole, and Option Two felt pointless and like a waste of everyone's time, especially for how much of a risk she was at for even being near here. Thinking through those options didn't make Remi feel any more sure though. She just needed to talk about something. Anything just to feel a bit better.

"I do not think I have any more questions. Well... um... actually. Just... uh... about the first part. Not the name. Like, the, uh, the immediate danger part. What happens there? I hear it a lot but, um I have never heard what happens after someone is seen as in danger or as a danger."

"Oh," was the only response Remi had to that. What else was I expecting? she wondered, feeling silly for imagining any other possibility than the ones Dr. Bryndísarson gave. If harm was coming to anyone of course he would try to contact someone to stop it, or at least try himself. "Mmm... Yes, I understand." Surprisingly she sounded fairly reserved when she spoke. She expected to be a bit more shaky or tense than before, but she came out smooth, like the response didn't bother her too much. A pinch of pride swelled up in Remi's chest, before disappearing as if it wasn't there at all.

"I do not think I have anymore questions. Thank you. But, um, do you have any questions for me though? I did not give you a lot I think, just some stuff on my family. Sorry about that..."

For a moment Remi was thinking of taking everything Dr. Bryndísarson said as an excuse to be as vague as possible for all of her sessions and never say anything too revealing. But then she remembered that would waste everyone's time and nothing would come from that. She didn't want to tell too much about her family though, at least, not yet anyways. Not until she knew there was a way to avoid them getting into too much trouble. And definitely not until she figured out a way to tell without getting herself in trouble. Being forced out of her home and family for betraying them made her feel dizzy and taste vomit in her mouth.

At least they were getting out of the introduction part of therapy. Though Remi supposed the first few questions, and technically the first session, was the introduction part. Dr. Bryndísarson first question should have had a simple answer, but Remi came here with an answer that was too complicated to start off with. She tensed her body up and started at her hooves. "Yes, I agree. Regular mental checkups would help a lot of people." Maman, Grandy, Arjean... probably Mommy... "I'm here because of family issues. I feel like my family life is a bit chaotic."

Her body was shaking a bit, but she couldn't truly tell. Sometimes she felt like she was shaking when she wasn't, or it wasn't as noticeable as she thought it was. Other times people pointed out that she was shaking, or stumbling, or doing something else weird that everyone else noticed but her.

"Like, I used to be apart of a different family, with just my mommy and daddy, but then they divorced 'cause Mommy wasn't really happy with how Daddy treated her and ending up getting into a fight with him. I-I get this sounds like normal family issues... and I guess it is somewhat... but I feel like I got moved from one mess of a family to another. I mean, I like my current family, and my mommy is getting the attention she wanted from my maman, unlike with my daddy. And don't get me wrong, I really loved my daddy, and he never tried to hurt me, but I sort of lost contact with him now. But then... Oh! Sorry. I'm rambling. I should let you speak..."

There were no words to describe how relieved Remi was of Dr. Bryndísarson's kind personality. Every time she thought he would respond in a negative way she was happily surprised to have her expectations contradicted, with him instead displaying sympathy and understanding. "Thank you," she replied, her quivering coming to a stop.

"I would rather avoid meandering, however. I do it too much," which surprised some people, considering her appearance, "and it often leads to me slipping out unnecessary information, or information I should never have said in the first place." Remi still wasn't completely ready to go into another ramble. It's not like she ever did it on purpose, it just happened, and it took a lot of willpower for her to realize what she was doing so she could stop herself. In addition to that, not only did chattering on like that risk her revealing sensitive details when she wasn't ready, it also made her confused at times, hardly remembering what she said and why she said it. It left her in a state of vulnerability she wasn't comfortable being in.