It felt like a lifetime since these woods had surrounded her. Since she had smelled the raging rapids by the waterfall, heard the lively sounds of the critters all around and seen how the sunlight filtered through the foliage. The last time Ava had experienced them all they had brought her joy and made her feel alive. But now, as she treated the familiar path through the forest all she saw made her feel lifeless and melancholy and downright miserable. Against her chest she was cradling a simple urn, that contained all that was left of her mother's remains.
It had not felt real, her mother's death. When Ava heard about it the first time she had not shed tears or wept, she had raged. Ava had burned their house down and all things inside and lead the academy, and Drakenhardtsm right to her so they could swoop her away from her past. It was ironic, to Ava's opinion, that the anger and bottomless sorrow caused by her mother's death had caused her to burn down any possibility of her remaining in the place they had shared. So it had not felt real. Somewhere at the back of her mind Ava had been hopeful. Maybe mom wasn't dead, maybe she had escaped the truck and survived and was collecting her strength somewhere. But then...they had found her. And it was official. Ava's mother was dead and her remains were handed to her only surviving kin, Ava. But she had not looked upon the ashes yet, she was afraid. Ava didn't know how she would react to seeing her mother, confirm her death and kill the hope that was still desperately surviving at the back of her mind.
But Ava knew she had to set her mother free. She deserved more than to sit in an urn for who knows how long. Her mother deserved to be free in the wind, to spread across these woods they had both loved. And Ava would grant her mother that. Even if seeing the ashes would set her into a fit of rage, or black void.
Ava tripped on a tree root and fell to her knees. This wasn't the first time she had tripped onto that same root, the first time had been when Ava was three and in the forest for the first time. Her mother had told her that story everytime Ava tripped on the root, time and time again. Ava's mother had tripped onto that root countless times as well, and Ava had to hold her back from ripping the tree off the ground, roots and all, so the damned root wouldn't be a menace anymore. Ava had a temper, but her mother had been a goddamn wildfire where as Ava was an active volcano.
That memory made Ava's mouth twitch a bit, but at the moment she was incapable of smiling, so she just stood up and continued walking up the steep hill, that lead to a cliff above the forest. That was the place where Ava would set her mother free.
As Ava stepped onto the cliff countless memories flooded her mind. Memories of fights, laughter, hugs, sleepless starry nights, blistering hot and freezing cold days. But never any tears. Ava walked to the very edge of the forest facing cliffside and looked upon the trees, that spread below her. Somewhere right to her there was a waterfall racing down a mountainside. She knew it was there but Ava couldn't hear it. She couldn't hear anything but her racing heartbeat as she looked down in her arms, at the urn. At her mother. Ava's breath catched as she carefully set her hand on top of it in order to open it. But she couldn't, not yet. Ava didn't want to see what her mother had become, she still wanted to remember a moment longer what she had been. Ava closed her eyes and let memories come. Ava's mother teaching her how to change a fuze, laughing at her bedhead, spitting fire over the most insignificant things but never getting angry when Ava sneaked out to run with the wolves. The countless phone calls that easily lasted for hours, when Ava's mother was on the road. The nights in childhood when Ava had crawled into her mother's bed only to be gently teased about it in the morning.
As Ava remembered each and every individual memory she could feel something hard inside her get softer, something that had been jammed and stuck ever since the night Ava had burned the house down. And when Ava opened her eyes she knew she was ready. Like that she opened the jar and gazed upon the ashes. Her mother. And tears started falling from her eyes, tears that had refused to emerge for months. Ava gasped a bit and covered her mouth for a moment when everything fell into place and stayed there. Her mother was dead, and she would never come back.
Ava wanted to collapse then and there and just cry for hours. But she knew it wasn't the time for that yet. Instead Ava looked up and checked the wind direction. It was perfect, the ashes would be caught in it immediately. Her mother would be able to fly.
Ava stepped on the edge and slowly started to tip the urn. And just as she had thought the wind captured the ashes the moment they poured out, and Ava watched them fly away together with the wind and disappear above the trees. Ava's tears flowed more and more as she saw the ashes disappear until the urn was empty. Ava, unable to hold herself together anymore, dropped the urn and it broke with a crash as she staggered backwards and fell on the ground. Ava sat there, sobbing violently now, and she covered her face. Normally Ava would've been ashamed of this kind of outburst, but at that moment she felt what this crying was doing to her. Ava could feel, how all the messy feelings inside her slowly untwined and cleared and for the first time after her mother's death Ava felt the sorrow of a child. A lost, lonely child who missed their parent. Ava's sobs turned to weeping and she turned her face up, yelling her sorrow towards the sky. Somewhere in the forest wolves started howling lowly, resonating with Ava's pain. As Ava shouted most of her sorrow out she was able to whisper out words that had been waiting to be said for a long time.
"Mom, I'll miss you so much...Sleep tight, goodbye."
It had not felt real, her mother's death. When Ava heard about it the first time she had not shed tears or wept, she had raged. Ava had burned their house down and all things inside and lead the academy, and Drakenhardtsm right to her so they could swoop her away from her past. It was ironic, to Ava's opinion, that the anger and bottomless sorrow caused by her mother's death had caused her to burn down any possibility of her remaining in the place they had shared. So it had not felt real. Somewhere at the back of her mind Ava had been hopeful. Maybe mom wasn't dead, maybe she had escaped the truck and survived and was collecting her strength somewhere. But then...they had found her. And it was official. Ava's mother was dead and her remains were handed to her only surviving kin, Ava. But she had not looked upon the ashes yet, she was afraid. Ava didn't know how she would react to seeing her mother, confirm her death and kill the hope that was still desperately surviving at the back of her mind.
But Ava knew she had to set her mother free. She deserved more than to sit in an urn for who knows how long. Her mother deserved to be free in the wind, to spread across these woods they had both loved. And Ava would grant her mother that. Even if seeing the ashes would set her into a fit of rage, or black void.
Ava tripped on a tree root and fell to her knees. This wasn't the first time she had tripped onto that same root, the first time had been when Ava was three and in the forest for the first time. Her mother had told her that story everytime Ava tripped on the root, time and time again. Ava's mother had tripped onto that root countless times as well, and Ava had to hold her back from ripping the tree off the ground, roots and all, so the damned root wouldn't be a menace anymore. Ava had a temper, but her mother had been a goddamn wildfire where as Ava was an active volcano.
That memory made Ava's mouth twitch a bit, but at the moment she was incapable of smiling, so she just stood up and continued walking up the steep hill, that lead to a cliff above the forest. That was the place where Ava would set her mother free.
As Ava stepped onto the cliff countless memories flooded her mind. Memories of fights, laughter, hugs, sleepless starry nights, blistering hot and freezing cold days. But never any tears. Ava walked to the very edge of the forest facing cliffside and looked upon the trees, that spread below her. Somewhere right to her there was a waterfall racing down a mountainside. She knew it was there but Ava couldn't hear it. She couldn't hear anything but her racing heartbeat as she looked down in her arms, at the urn. At her mother. Ava's breath catched as she carefully set her hand on top of it in order to open it. But she couldn't, not yet. Ava didn't want to see what her mother had become, she still wanted to remember a moment longer what she had been. Ava closed her eyes and let memories come. Ava's mother teaching her how to change a fuze, laughing at her bedhead, spitting fire over the most insignificant things but never getting angry when Ava sneaked out to run with the wolves. The countless phone calls that easily lasted for hours, when Ava's mother was on the road. The nights in childhood when Ava had crawled into her mother's bed only to be gently teased about it in the morning.
As Ava remembered each and every individual memory she could feel something hard inside her get softer, something that had been jammed and stuck ever since the night Ava had burned the house down. And when Ava opened her eyes she knew she was ready. Like that she opened the jar and gazed upon the ashes. Her mother. And tears started falling from her eyes, tears that had refused to emerge for months. Ava gasped a bit and covered her mouth for a moment when everything fell into place and stayed there. Her mother was dead, and she would never come back.
Ava wanted to collapse then and there and just cry for hours. But she knew it wasn't the time for that yet. Instead Ava looked up and checked the wind direction. It was perfect, the ashes would be caught in it immediately. Her mother would be able to fly.
Ava stepped on the edge and slowly started to tip the urn. And just as she had thought the wind captured the ashes the moment they poured out, and Ava watched them fly away together with the wind and disappear above the trees. Ava's tears flowed more and more as she saw the ashes disappear until the urn was empty. Ava, unable to hold herself together anymore, dropped the urn and it broke with a crash as she staggered backwards and fell on the ground. Ava sat there, sobbing violently now, and she covered her face. Normally Ava would've been ashamed of this kind of outburst, but at that moment she felt what this crying was doing to her. Ava could feel, how all the messy feelings inside her slowly untwined and cleared and for the first time after her mother's death Ava felt the sorrow of a child. A lost, lonely child who missed their parent. Ava's sobs turned to weeping and she turned her face up, yelling her sorrow towards the sky. Somewhere in the forest wolves started howling lowly, resonating with Ava's pain. As Ava shouted most of her sorrow out she was able to whisper out words that had been waiting to be said for a long time.
"Mom, I'll miss you so much...Sleep tight, goodbye."