She ran. She ran, and memories chased after her. They caught her, stuck, and didn't let go. And yet she kept running as the monster slowly creeped in from the crevice Tomo hid it in, deep inside her.
"What a sick, disgusting demon. I can't believe we kept it for 7 years."
Daddy? Mommy? Where did you take Miki? Why are you looking at me like that? Did I do something? I didn't scratch the curtains, I swear. Ouch! Daddy?! What are you doing?! Let go! I don't like this game! Mommy! Help! Where is he taking me?!
"You're better off dead, Shirorin. Stay still."
Daddy?! No stop! What are you doing!? It hurts! IT HURTS!!!
The taste of blood, in my mouth, in my throat, in me. It's in me. Who am I? Daddy? Are you okay?
He is cold, he is dead. He, not me. Why? Who? Me?
It's cold, I'm cold. I take clothes off of him, he doesn't need them. They are too big. I change into him, they're not big anymore.
I walk for a long time, it's cold. I'm cold, inside and outside. But my cheeks burn. My tears freeze as soon as they come out. I'm scared. Who am I? Why did this happen? Is this a nightmare? Can I wake up and play with yarn? I like playing with yarn. I like getting tangled, I like when daddy untangles me and mommy and Miki laugh. It's fun.
I hug myself, I hug daddy. I killed him.
I killed him, I killed the monster.
And yet, it lives.
"She is an animal, that crazy bitch."
They had looked at me funny. One of my colour contacts had slipped and they had looked at me funny. They called me a freak. Now we were in an alley. Why? When did we get here? Why do my hands hurt? I look at them. They're red from my blood. And someone else's.
The bullies are on the ground, they're looking at me with horror. I know those eyes, I remember them. I had the same eyes, I saw their reflection from the axe. I'm him. I did this. The monster did this. It's in me, I'm the monster.
I grin, it's a wide grin. It hurts less when I grin, it's easier to be brave. Kikuko told me that. The bullies cry and run away. When they are gone I cry bitter, bitter tears. And the monster laughs.
It wants more.
"Go die, you insane asshole."
I always grin, constantly and anywhere. When I laugh, when I walk, when I hit. It's power, it dulls. I am powerful in this town. I beat those who disagree, not enough to kill but I get pretty damn close. When I hit I aim for the fingers. It hurts, I know from experience.
What was I supposed to do again?
I only cry when I play the violin, I always play alone. My notes are full of sorrow. Why are they full of sorrow? Why are they not saving me like always? Why? Why? Why?!
"I'll kill you! I swear I'll kill you!"
They hate me. They have a good reason to. I've done many bad things, and I made them take the blame. I'm just a filthy alley cat, I'm trash. I'm a coward, worth nothing. I'm dyed red, I'm a monster. Self-pity? No, I believe it. I believe all of it.
Don't touch me, you'll be dirtied. Don't look at me, don't touch me.
DON'T TOUCH ME!!!
Please Kikuko, don't cry, I promise I'll man the counter. Okay?
What are those assholes doing here, with guns no less. I didn't give these orders. They're shaking like crazy, what the fuck is going on. Kikuko? Wait!
You made her bleed. Now you die.
Flashback came one after another, they were clear, sharp and cut deeper every time. All those times Tomo hurt someone, when she stole, when she cheated, when she lied. All the times she fed the monster, and it laughed. It laughed now, it took over slowly but surely. It wanted blood, it needed chaos and destruction.
But Tomo was still sane, and she ran. And she only stopped when she could not smell any people around. Then Tomo let herself become the monster.
The monster let out a roar, it sounded like a monsterous version of a mountain lion's yowl. It slashed at everything, it wanted to rip flesh and lay waste on the enemy. But there was no enemy. The enemy was inside, out of it's grasp. So it just attacked anything; trees, rocks, ground and animals. It's claws quickly became red from blood and seeing it made the monster laugh and purr. It licked the blood, smeared it's body in it, and laughed, laughed, laughed.
The monster destroyed a large chunk of forest before it finally stepped back, letting Tomo through. And then she collapsed and cried.
Tomo cried for a long time, or only a short while. Tomo couldn't tell. And afterwards she drew out the paper Eli had given her. She was still in her half-cat form and punched holes into the paper with her claws. But it was readable, and Tomo saw it was a page from a diary. It described things from Eli's past, and explained why he had reacted like he had to the fact that he was a half-demon. But Tomo was still angry, angry, disappointed, frustrated and sad. She considered Eli a buddy, and wanted to help him. But Tomo was a monster. Monsters didn't help people, they destroyed. Destroyed, killed and spread chaos.
Tomo grabbed her head and made herself bleed, as if squeezing her head would make the thoughts retreat. But they only grew louder, from whispers to yells.
"You are worse than trash, you're nothing. Who says you have the right to worry about anyone? You told Tadashi you'd kill him if he tried to help. Keep pushing them away, you don't deserve anyone by your side. What, do you think you're a human now? You're just a filthy alley cat. No, you're a monster."
"ShutupshutupSHUT THE FUCK UP!!!"
But there was no one to hear Tomo's yell. The trees sent the echo back to her, as if she was talking to herself. In a way she was. The monster was inside her, after all.
Tomo was broken. She knew that better than anyone else. She had slowly broken over the years, and now there was no going back. She was too stained, she had done too many despicable things. All because she was weak.
Nothing could save her anymore.
Tomo let out a gasping sigh as tears stained the paper in her claws. The monster wasn't satisfied, it wished for more destruction. Tomo, too tired to fight, let herself go.
The monster kept raging until the night fell. And then it went back to it's slumber, leaving Tomo on the ground, as broken as before.
"What a sick, disgusting demon. I can't believe we kept it for 7 years."
Daddy? Mommy? Where did you take Miki? Why are you looking at me like that? Did I do something? I didn't scratch the curtains, I swear. Ouch! Daddy?! What are you doing?! Let go! I don't like this game! Mommy! Help! Where is he taking me?!
"You're better off dead, Shirorin. Stay still."
Daddy?! No stop! What are you doing!? It hurts! IT HURTS!!!
The taste of blood, in my mouth, in my throat, in me. It's in me. Who am I? Daddy? Are you okay?
He is cold, he is dead. He, not me. Why? Who? Me?
It's cold, I'm cold. I take clothes off of him, he doesn't need them. They are too big. I change into him, they're not big anymore.
I walk for a long time, it's cold. I'm cold, inside and outside. But my cheeks burn. My tears freeze as soon as they come out. I'm scared. Who am I? Why did this happen? Is this a nightmare? Can I wake up and play with yarn? I like playing with yarn. I like getting tangled, I like when daddy untangles me and mommy and Miki laugh. It's fun.
I hug myself, I hug daddy. I killed him.
I killed him, I killed the monster.
And yet, it lives.
"She is an animal, that crazy bitch."
They had looked at me funny. One of my colour contacts had slipped and they had looked at me funny. They called me a freak. Now we were in an alley. Why? When did we get here? Why do my hands hurt? I look at them. They're red from my blood. And someone else's.
The bullies are on the ground, they're looking at me with horror. I know those eyes, I remember them. I had the same eyes, I saw their reflection from the axe. I'm him. I did this. The monster did this. It's in me, I'm the monster.
I grin, it's a wide grin. It hurts less when I grin, it's easier to be brave. Kikuko told me that. The bullies cry and run away. When they are gone I cry bitter, bitter tears. And the monster laughs.
It wants more.
"Go die, you insane asshole."
I always grin, constantly and anywhere. When I laugh, when I walk, when I hit. It's power, it dulls. I am powerful in this town. I beat those who disagree, not enough to kill but I get pretty damn close. When I hit I aim for the fingers. It hurts, I know from experience.
What was I supposed to do again?
I only cry when I play the violin, I always play alone. My notes are full of sorrow. Why are they full of sorrow? Why are they not saving me like always? Why? Why? Why?!
"I'll kill you! I swear I'll kill you!"
They hate me. They have a good reason to. I've done many bad things, and I made them take the blame. I'm just a filthy alley cat, I'm trash. I'm a coward, worth nothing. I'm dyed red, I'm a monster. Self-pity? No, I believe it. I believe all of it.
Don't touch me, you'll be dirtied. Don't look at me, don't touch me.
DON'T TOUCH ME!!!
Please Kikuko, don't cry, I promise I'll man the counter. Okay?
What are those assholes doing here, with guns no less. I didn't give these orders. They're shaking like crazy, what the fuck is going on. Kikuko? Wait!
You made her bleed. Now you die.
Flashback came one after another, they were clear, sharp and cut deeper every time. All those times Tomo hurt someone, when she stole, when she cheated, when she lied. All the times she fed the monster, and it laughed. It laughed now, it took over slowly but surely. It wanted blood, it needed chaos and destruction.
But Tomo was still sane, and she ran. And she only stopped when she could not smell any people around. Then Tomo let herself become the monster.
The monster let out a roar, it sounded like a monsterous version of a mountain lion's yowl. It slashed at everything, it wanted to rip flesh and lay waste on the enemy. But there was no enemy. The enemy was inside, out of it's grasp. So it just attacked anything; trees, rocks, ground and animals. It's claws quickly became red from blood and seeing it made the monster laugh and purr. It licked the blood, smeared it's body in it, and laughed, laughed, laughed.
The monster destroyed a large chunk of forest before it finally stepped back, letting Tomo through. And then she collapsed and cried.
Tomo cried for a long time, or only a short while. Tomo couldn't tell. And afterwards she drew out the paper Eli had given her. She was still in her half-cat form and punched holes into the paper with her claws. But it was readable, and Tomo saw it was a page from a diary. It described things from Eli's past, and explained why he had reacted like he had to the fact that he was a half-demon. But Tomo was still angry, angry, disappointed, frustrated and sad. She considered Eli a buddy, and wanted to help him. But Tomo was a monster. Monsters didn't help people, they destroyed. Destroyed, killed and spread chaos.
Tomo grabbed her head and made herself bleed, as if squeezing her head would make the thoughts retreat. But they only grew louder, from whispers to yells.
"You are worse than trash, you're nothing. Who says you have the right to worry about anyone? You told Tadashi you'd kill him if he tried to help. Keep pushing them away, you don't deserve anyone by your side. What, do you think you're a human now? You're just a filthy alley cat. No, you're a monster."
"ShutupshutupSHUT THE FUCK UP!!!"
But there was no one to hear Tomo's yell. The trees sent the echo back to her, as if she was talking to herself. In a way she was. The monster was inside her, after all.
Tomo was broken. She knew that better than anyone else. She had slowly broken over the years, and now there was no going back. She was too stained, she had done too many despicable things. All because she was weak.
Nothing could save her anymore.
Tomo let out a gasping sigh as tears stained the paper in her claws. The monster wasn't satisfied, it wished for more destruction. Tomo, too tired to fight, let herself go.
The monster kept raging until the night fell. And then it went back to it's slumber, leaving Tomo on the ground, as broken as before.