Eoshay breathed out and rubbed her face as she got to her new therapist's office. She'd opted for the one in the city, rather than the school. Somehow, it felt safer. The distance was good.
Shay didn't know the first thing she should have been talking about. She felt entirely too disassociated with it all. So many changes and problems and never a break. Some change was good, granted, but those felt few and far between.
What good would therapy do her, anyway? And how much was she even allowed to say? What if this man told someone? Told the police? All that and more was clogging Shay's head that day and stifling any emotional readiness she could have had. She would have to ask him what all this entailed.
Regis had been right. She couldn't save other people if she was drowning and Shay couldn't get afloat by herself. She needed help.
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Valli's office in the city was a good deal more lived in than his office in the school. It was more homey, more used. There was a waiting room, for one, although it was almost always empty. Some people liked to show up early, and some people liked to sit. It also gave Valli a bit of a buffer, time alone in his office to reset things that had been disturbed.
His last patient had already left, so Shay wouldn't be given any time to sit. The moment she checked in--Valli's secretary was polite but firmly disinterested in the lives of his patients--Valli himself would pop his head into the waiting room, a friendly smile on his face.
"Eroshay, right?" He said. Normally he'd have used her last name, but it seemed more pertinent not to. He wasn't ignorant enough to not know who the Rosales's were, so he stuck to just her first name to begin with as he gestured her in.
The room was not what most people would think of as a therapist's office. There was no bed to lie down on, no clipboard in place. There was a large comfortable couch with an array of pillows. There was a desk crammed in one corner. Everything was in an array of shades of forest greens, and there was a small garden placed under the frosted glass window.
"Is Eroshay alright? Or would you prefer something else?" Valli called as he headed towards an armchair.
His last patient had already left, so Shay wouldn't be given any time to sit. The moment she checked in--Valli's secretary was polite but firmly disinterested in the lives of his patients--Valli himself would pop his head into the waiting room, a friendly smile on his face.
"Eroshay, right?" He said. Normally he'd have used her last name, but it seemed more pertinent not to. He wasn't ignorant enough to not know who the Rosales's were, so he stuck to just her first name to begin with as he gestured her in.
The room was not what most people would think of as a therapist's office. There was no bed to lie down on, no clipboard in place. There was a large comfortable couch with an array of pillows. There was a desk crammed in one corner. Everything was in an array of shades of forest greens, and there was a small garden placed under the frosted glass window.
"Is Eroshay alright? Or would you prefer something else?" Valli called as he headed towards an armchair.
When Shay entered Valli's office, she had to pause and look around at all the calming colors and the plush couch. She didn't stand awkwardly for long, before crossing the room and relaxing on the couch.
"Just Shay is fine. Eroshay is a little fancy for day to day... uh, things."
Shay quieted and watched Valli from the corner of her eye, wondering where to begin? She had a truckload of problems... but well, she wasn't keen on talking about them.
"Where do I start? I don't know how to normally start these things off. Never been to a therapy session... at least, not one this professional. What kind of things am I allowed to talk about? Aren't you supposed to report things like harm to self or others? Danger? Such and things?"
Panic rose in her throat. What if she couldn't talk about any of the things bothering her? They were all too sensitive and he might give away her secrets.
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Valli effectively had a script to start off the first session, and since Shay was more or less asking for just that, he launched into it without much of a pause.
"Sessions can go however you'd like them to. We don't have a set script or schedule. In the interest of full disclosure, I will note that my powers make me appear more pleasant and put together than I might otherwise appear. The effect is minor, and not something I can disable."
That was point one.
"I'm required by law and professional ethics to report any situation where I believe someone--you, or someone else--is in immediate danger. Other than that, anything you say here is strictly confidential, and I neither can nor will reveal it. Even in the case of danger, I'm only allowed to reveal enough to remedy the situation at hand, not your entire history."
And point two, which was normally the point where Valli would pause for questions, but instead he opted to jump right into point three, largely since Shay was a student who had come all the way to the city.
"I also will not approach you or acknowledge you in public unless you acknowledge me first. I'm well aware that the average person thinks that seeking mental health treatment as embarrassing or shameful, and I prefer not upsetting my patients should I happen to run into them outside of my office."
Well, that was three.
"Any questions?"
"Sessions can go however you'd like them to. We don't have a set script or schedule. In the interest of full disclosure, I will note that my powers make me appear more pleasant and put together than I might otherwise appear. The effect is minor, and not something I can disable."
That was point one.
"I'm required by law and professional ethics to report any situation where I believe someone--you, or someone else--is in immediate danger. Other than that, anything you say here is strictly confidential, and I neither can nor will reveal it. Even in the case of danger, I'm only allowed to reveal enough to remedy the situation at hand, not your entire history."
And point two, which was normally the point where Valli would pause for questions, but instead he opted to jump right into point three, largely since Shay was a student who had come all the way to the city.
"I also will not approach you or acknowledge you in public unless you acknowledge me first. I'm well aware that the average person thinks that seeking mental health treatment as embarrassing or shameful, and I prefer not upsetting my patients should I happen to run into them outside of my office."
Well, that was three.
"Any questions?"
Well, if that didn't sound utterly scripted. Okay, that was fair. Shay listened as Valli explained his powers and how therapy worked. She nodded slowly.
"And crime, right? Legally speaking you're required to file reports about crime. I think I heard that somewhere."
When asked if she had any questions, Shay shook her head in the negative and slumped back in her seat. The idea of spilling her guts to someone she didn't know was completely unappealing. How did one go about organically opening up in a situation like this?
"So, guess dads wanted me to come here because of all the night terrors and PTSD stuff -- or whatever. I think I've been doing fine on my own." Shay had to force herself to leave out the 'or whatever' statement at the end there.
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"Nope," Valli said, his voice significantly more cheerful now that he was done his entire standard speech. Now he could be a bit more open and not have to worry about covering the basis. "I have had, in the past, patients confess to everything up to and including murder. I can encourage people to turn themselves in and contact the police, but it would be a violation of the confidentiality we share to reveal that information myself. If someone tells me they are planning to murder someone, I can report it. If someone tells me they have already murdered someone, I can't report it. Even if they told me they had killed someone, and were planning to kill again, I could only share with the police that they were planning to commit a murder, not what they had already told me. A therapists confidentiality is extremely important--if these rules weren't there, the people who so often need us the most wouldn't feel they were able to talk freely."
"Has it been affecting your day to day life?" Valli prompted at mention of her PTSD. People tended to throw around the term PTSD fairly casually, and as far as he knew there was no official diagnosis, which meant it was time to sniff around the conversation to try and get an idea of how serious it was or wasn't.
"Has it been affecting your day to day life?" Valli prompted at mention of her PTSD. People tended to throw around the term PTSD fairly casually, and as far as he knew there was no official diagnosis, which meant it was time to sniff around the conversation to try and get an idea of how serious it was or wasn't.
TW: Mentions of noncon.
Shay nodded her understanding. It made sense, but she was wary nonetheless. She supposed it didn't matter much anymore. Most of what she would be talking about had been taken care of one way or another.
Had her PTSD affected her everyday life? It was almost a silly question, but Shay knew why he was asking it. She was silent a long time as if mulling over the answer, but in reality, Shay was only trying to find the strength to say it was.
Shay recalled sleepless nights, restless thoughts. Remembering his smell, the laugh, the things said, or how they felt. Everything inside was too much, but externally she just felt numb.
Instead of purely saying yes, Shay spoke what was on her mind, eyes somewhat distant. "Sometimes... I still hear his voice. The way he laughs. That pre-- that look in his eye. I still..." Shay trailed off, and subconsciously rubbed the cheek Nick had kissed and refocused on Valli.
"I don't want to talk about this," she said meekly. Was there ever a right time? Would she ever feel better or less dirty? Smarter. Like it wasn't her fault. Like she wouldn't vomit with even the idea that the topic might be brought up.
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That was a yes if he'd ever heard one. Yes, it effected her. Yes, it was with her every day. Valli wasn't even entirely clear what it was she was remembering.
It didn't really matter.
"Then we won't," Valli said. "The point of this--especially the first session--is for me to get to know you, and for you to get used to how things work, not for me to take a knife and use it to dig around through your personal life. So we'll talk about something else instead. How does school sound?"
It didn't really matter.
"Then we won't," Valli said. "The point of this--especially the first session--is for me to get to know you, and for you to get used to how things work, not for me to take a knife and use it to dig around through your personal life. So we'll talk about something else instead. How does school sound?"
Shay was relieved to know she had a choice, which felt even more important than it had before she'd died. Her voice mattered. Her decisions, the paths she wanted to take.
Even as Valli brought up the subject of school, Shay's mind still wandered to the football field. To that voice and that smell. To the weird magic. Emotional overloads and logic that she couldn't piece together no matter how hard she tried.
"School," she repeated somewhat numbly, giving herself time to come out of her trance and offer him a one shoulder shrug. "I dropped out of most of my old clubs. Kind of just there now, I guess. Nothing significant. Kind of been more preoccupied with family and friends."
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"That's not that unusual," Valli pointed out. "It's very common for new comers to the island to load themselves up on clubs, and then drop down to one or even none as they focus on other things. Academics. Having a social life. Clubs can be terribly exhausting." Which was a normal complaint. A normal life.
It seemed like Shay would appreciate that kind of normalacy. "How are you doing academically?"
It seemed like Shay would appreciate that kind of normalacy. "How are you doing academically?"
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