Don't Handle Me At My Worst

Madeline had never known how useful her illusions could be. Case in point: today she had spent time out in public, looking perfectly happy, doing fine, even spotting people who envied how well she could do her eye makeup or her hair. But behind the illusion, she was bawling.

It came on out of nowhere on the way back to her room from lunch at the cafeteria. She just started thinking about one of the things she had wanted to show her parents when they came here - and that was her mistake. She shouldn't have been thinking about them. So she just sat down, and to the outside world, she was checking her Instagram. Past the illusion: extraordinarily ugly crying, her hands dripping with runny makeup that she smeared on the rest of her face.

She had been both fearing it and looking forward to the visit. Despite everything, Madeline wanted them to see her perform, and she wanted to show them so many magical things. She still loved them. That was what she hated the most - that they could hurt her so much, and she couldn't just cut out the part of her brain that felt love for them and wanted them in her life.

Now she was back in her dorm room. The illusion held until she made it to the bathroom, where she could start cleaning herself up and taking off all her ruined makeup. Her tears were drained, she had walked it off, and she was fine again. She just needed to clean herself up, and she would be ready to check her phone again.

It had been blowing up earlier. As soon as she was done showering...

Madeline was half-naked when the door started knocking. She took a look out the peephole in her door.

Oh crap, it was Shir. Why was he here?

"Just a minute!" she called through the door, then she tore through her drawers fast as she could, throwing on a camisole, and leggings, and a jacket. She actually opened the door half a minute later, her hair still a little damp. She tried to look natural and relaxed, like she was just having a normal lazy day in her dorm.

"Hey Shir. I just got out of the shower; what's up?"

...It was probably weird to take a shower at 2 in the afternoon, she realized.

They hugged, they kissed. Madeline shut the door behind them so they could get some privacy.

He was worried about her, which made sense. She'd been avoiding him for the last few days, and she felt like shit. "Yeah..." She went and sat in her bed. He could come and sit down next to her if he wanted.

"Well... you know how my parents and my brother were going to fly up here yesterday? Well, they changed their minds, I guess. So, you don't have to worry about them anymore, at least..." A weak smile.

Madeline had been a lot more worried about them than Shir. At least, at first. But Shir had seen her warm up to the idea more and more over the preceding weeks, as the day came closer and closer. She had even convinced herself to be excited about it.

Maddie didn't answer immediately. She just reached up and scritched his big droopy lion ears and leaned into him for a bit.

"They're getting a divorce," Madeline said. "Mom's blaming me for ruining her marriage. Which was a pretty fucked up thing for her to tell me." Even if a part of Madeline believed that she might be on to something. "And like, I'm not the one who ran away to party in the big city and fucked a demon lord. Or whatever she did. That was on her."

She gritted her teeth. The pendulum was swinging back from self-pity to anger again. But at the same time, she felt guilty. It felt like it was her fault, after all the grief she'd caused her parents over the years. She could have found a better eay to come out, or she could have kept it hidden for longer, or she could have done any number of things.

At the words 'shittiest thing I've ever heard,' Madeline let out a mirthless laugh. It wasn't as bad as your family selling you off to a greed demon, or being grown in a lab for slavery. But it was still pretty cruel, she'd admit.

Shir was already trying to give advice, and laying out some ways he could support her. She could do without the first part, but the second made her feel better. Supported. Loved. It was nice, but it also made her uneasy. He was such a good boyfriend. If they broke up, it was going to hurt, and with how she was right now, she was sure she would screw up if she was around his family too much.

"... I don't know."

Madeline also kinda wanted to take him up on that offer. She might get to have a meal with them all, joke around with Shir and the kiddos, and feel like she was part of a family again.

She leaned against him again, full of uncertainty.

New topic now: "...I think my mom might just hate me."