Don't do this to me

Hearing she had a visitor was weird. Shay expected it to be Fitz, though she wouldn't blame him (or anyone) if they wanted to stay as far from this place as possible.

Being a comfortable prison didn't mean it wasn't a prison. Shay only knew as much about outside prisons as she'd read in books or seen on television and Manta Carlos' was nothing like that.

She wore a unique bracelet to keep her magic from going wonky. She didn't want another New Years party incident, so it was good they made these things in all forms.

When she had been told who her visitor was, Shay was a little shocked. But then Angelo came through time and time again in ways she kept expecting him not to. At this point, she should have just trusted him to be a decent human being. But in her experience, it was always when you started trusting a person that they turned on you.

Shay really didn't want to be lectured, but she wasn't sure that was even what he was going to do, so she accepted the visit. Eben if she'd have rather punished herself with isolation.

When she got to the room, Shay took a seat across the room from him, fingers tapping on the arm of the couch. She didn't say anything.

Shay hugged herself when she saw how he looked. Shay hated being in this meeting room more than her own... what? Cell. Room, she guessed. Shay didn't want to leave.

Leaving meant having to face all of her family and having to go home to see Fitz and wonder if he was still okay. Having to ask 'should I sleep in the guest room?' because everything was too real now. She was a murderer, and Shay figured, Angelo would see her just like he saw Klaus or any other criminal. And Fitz, well, he'd see her like he saw his last foster father. The kids, they'd see her as a traitor.

"It's fine. It's not like it is on TV." Shay paused, but only a second before cutting right to it. "So the siblings probably are pissed at me, huh?"

Shay gave Angelo a look when he attempted playfulness with her. For once, Shay couldn't find the human in a situation. She had none of that left.

And for the past few days, since she'd killed that stupid fucking man, that voice without sound threw negativity at her. It spoke of insecurities she didn't want to think about.

'They're all going to leave you behind, you know.' It told her. 'You really fucked it up this time. How are they ever going to look at you the same? How are you going to look at yourself?

'When they see you, a murderer and traitor are all they're going to see. They'll say it's fine, and they'll try for a while, but every day it will eat away at them slowly until you're nothing but a black mark on their lives.'

She breathed out and rubbed her face until she saw spots. "Figures. How about you?"

Shay watched Angelo, searching his eyes. Before she decided to defend herself a second time (although she doubted it would do any good), she said "you think I did it on purpose, don't you? Found him. Like some monster."

'Would anyone be surprised?' the voice asked, and Shay didn't disagree.

Even if she had, the voice always spoke as if it couldn't hear her.

"I didn't lie. It was self-defense."

Anger rose and heated Shay's cheeks. She knew it was stupid, but hearing Angelo say it still made her irritated. "Oh, so what? The fucking hitman is judging me?

"Yes, I might have gone off the rails a little. And I did something stupid. At least I didn't do it for money. Christ. I don't want to talk about this. I already have to think about it enough."

Shay held her head. Voices swirled. Her's and Angelo's, together. Murders and warped and negativity and insults.