Private Finished Dark By The Water

Jacota was filled with strange feelings. On the other hand he was unsure, confused, flustered, embarrassed and maybe slightly annoyed. In a normal situation Jacota would leave, and let this strange, gloomy person be in his own company. It was none of Jacota's concern how Ishvi felt about himself or why he was so sad.
But...
Something didn't allow Jacota to even think about leaving. He didn't want to leave Ishvi alone. Maybe because Jacota knew sometimes being alone while sad only made it worse. Jacota was also filled with strange determination, he wanted to help him. Even if he couldn't, Jacota wanted to at least try.

And when Ishvi seemed defeated, only sighing and shrugging at Jacota's question, the young boy felt this determination not waiver. Then Ishvi wrote on the sand and Jacota read the two small words.
Only half.
Jacota was confused and tilted his head slightly. He knew Ishvi was half angel, half nightmare. And then he remembered the first time he had met Ishvi. Ishvi had said he did not like his nightmare side, that he was not a real angel.
Jacota lifted his gaze up to Ishvi and whined a bit. Was being a full angel that important to him?
"Only half angel?"
Jacota asked unsurely and moved carefully to lie on Ishvi's side, looking at him with compassion.
"I'm only half dog as well."
Jacota said these words and didn't realize how much they actually bothered him. How much it bothered him that he wasn't an actual dog. But...
"But I'm glad I'm only half. I can talk to you. Doing that is nice."
Jacota's tail wagged although he averted his gaze, slightly embarrassed over saying such a thing. But he meant it.

Jacota was momentarily surprised by Ishvi's reaction and jumped a bit when he turned back into human form for a second. But Ishvi turned back into a nightmare soon enough, and Jacota saw this time he had his talking device. Jacota wagged his tail, happy that maybe now Ishvi could talk back if he wanted.
And Ishvi did talk back, with words that Jacota had trouble understanding. But he knew enough to know that when an angel is falling they are practically becoming a demon, or something. It was all a bit confusing.
But Jacota could see and feel enough to know that Ishvi was hurting, not just outside. Although Jacota was intangible he scooted a bit closer to Ishvi, regretting he could not offer warmth or be petted. Well, if he went to human form then Jacota could do both. But he felt that if he turned human now Jacota would feel too flustered to talk or do anything.
"Can I catch you?"
Jacota was referring to the fact that Ishvi was falling, and he honestly thought when an angel fell it involved literal falling. Jacota sincerely wanted to help and catch Ishvi so he wouldn't hurt himself. Falling could hurt.
Jacota glared and ruffed at the dagger again, and felt bit more flustered when Ishvi seemed to be worried about him. But Jacota wasn't worried about himself right now.
"I can hurt. You can't hurt. If you hurt it feels all muddled."
Jacota would've frowned if he could and huffed a bit.

Jacota listened to Ishvi's words and felt sympathy for him. Jacota's home...had been a scary place disguised as paradise. And during one night it had transformed into the hell Jacota had in his memories. Some scenes from The Night ran through Jacota's mind and he tried to rub his paw to his head. But his paw went through and didn't even take the memories with it.
"This place...this place is strange. People don't yell or kick at me or even glare. It's hard to know if I should trust it. I want to trust it. But it's all muddled."
Jacota whined and glanced at Ishvi, hoping to maybe get some kind of guidance. Because on this island there were a couple of people Jacota trusted and he had just realized that Ishvi was one of them.
"But in this place only a half can be whole."
Jacota said this pretty quietly, meaning himself as much as Ishvi.
Jacota looked away a bit embarrassed when Ishvi said he was glad that Jacota talked to him. Jacota's tail wagged even though he was looking away, feigning indifference.
"I-it's okay, I can talk to you anytime, if you want. Or we can be in silence. The waves sound like a song."
Jacota's faked indifferent tone faded towards the end as he looked at the sea and did stay quiet for a second, listening to the faint wind and the waves. He almost wanted to hum along to the song they sang.
"I have never seen the sea so close. I want to swim in it..."

Jacota whined slightly but nodded when Ishvi answered his question.
Jacota knew very well that sometimes you should, had to, do things on your own. Even if it meant getting hurt in the process. Although the thought of Ishvi getting hurt churned Jacota's stomach.
A quick flash of The Night went through Jacota's mind and he squirmed slightly where he was. This was different from that. This wasn't Jacota's fault.
Was it?
"You have wings. If you fall you can fly."
Jacota sounded hopeful and looked at Ishvi's wings. He still wanted to touch them. Jacota carefully lifted his paw and tried to set it on Ishvi's knee but his paw went right through. Jacota's ears drooped and he turned to look at his paws.

Home. That was a thing Jacota hadn't had in a long, long time. He looked at the dagger and suddenly felt bad that he had growled at it. He whined slightly and looked up at Ishvi.
"The piece of your home hurts you?"
Then Jacota registered what else Ishvi had said. He thought Jacota had been attacked? His ears first perked a bit and his tail wagged. Ishvi had come to see if he was okay. That was really nice. But then Jacota realized why Ishvi had thought he had been attacked. The howling. Jacota's ears drooped a bit and his tail halted. He turned to look out to the sea and after staring a couple of seconds Jacota let out a short, quiet howl. It wasn't as packed with sadness as his last one but still sounded sorrowful.
"It has been a long, long time since I was attacked."
Jacota said solemnly and exhaled. If nightmares could cry Jacota would probably have tears in his eyes.

Jacota never said it or wanted to admit it but he was afraid. The world had been so small for him for so long. The only purpose he had had in life for over 10 years was to figure out how to not die. Out of starvation, dehydration, abuse, diseases and other reasons. The life on the street for a dog, even a weredog, was hard. Jacota had been tired all the time, on his toes, watching behind his back, afraid. Just so afraid. But now he had no reason to be afraid anymore. And that was the scariest thing of all, to trust again. Jacota was terrified of trust because he knew, that if he opened his heart he could never close it again. And that meant he could get hurt, and never recover. So even though being here with Ishvi also brought him comfort Jacota was just so afraid. So afraid to start trusting Ishvi, or anyone.

And yet, when Ishvi told him this place was safe, that people would accept Jacota, he believed him. Jacota could feel some of his fear wash away, like the waves had brushed them along to the sea. But most of it stayed, deeply implanted on his heart and mind. Jacota knew his head lied and heart spoke the truth. His heart wanted to be true again, to be free of the dark years on the street had rooted in it. But his mind told Jacota he was safe with the fear, it kept him safe to not trust or rely on anyone. Jacota could feel these two sides of himself warring, and it made him feel all muddled again.

Jacota sighed a bit, he wouldn't be able to swim in this form. And Jacota knew the water was too cold for his human body. His dog body had been made for swimming in cold water.
"Not like this. I would stand on top of the water, I don't sink."
Jacota looked at the sea, listening to the waves.
"Sea is big, it scares me. But it...it's beautiful."
Jacota said these words quietly, it took enormous effort and courage to admit Jacota was afraid of something. His body trembled just a bit from the strain and his ears were so close to his head it nearly looked like he had no ears at all. He looked at Ishvi and when he spoke his words were bit breathless.
"If you swim I'll follow you."

Somehow Jacota knew those words were hard for Ishvi though he didn't say them with his own voice. It was his body language and way of being that made Jacota stand up and move so he could see Ishvi better. Jacota whined a bit and also hoped he could touch Ishvi, to put a paw on his knee. But shifting into his human form could make Ishvi uncomfortable. Jacota was almost sure Ishvi saw him as a dog, just as Jacota saw himself more as a dog than a person. But in his mind he was more of a person, and he worried and was afraid for Ishvi more than a normal dog could.
"I don't know anything that is perfect. Can something really be perfect?"
Jacota said quietly and looked down briefly. He felt Ishvi's eyes on him and suddenly his stomach hurt. Jacota looked up and answered his gaze, and spoke carefully but with strange firmness.
"I don't want you to be alone. Can I fall with you? I can help you fall so it doesn't hurt. I know how."

Jacota could see Ishvi had trouble breathing and whined slightly, sniffing towards him and lifting his paws a bit. Jacota knew how it felt like not be able to breathe. When something was strangling you, or when you were very hungry or thirsty or when it was too hot. But Jacota also knew this was the kind of breathing problem he couldn't help with. It happened when chest tightened and your mind felt too small for everything you were thinking and you just wanted to sink into darkness and sleep and forget. Jacota got it sometimes, when he was alone or in big big crowds in his human form. And every time he just had to wait it out, suffer through it. It always felt horrible. But lately he had noticed that when he hugged his pillow, in human form, Jacota felt better faster. But there were no pillows here and Jacota whined a bit again. He felt helpless and useless for not being able to help Ishvi, even just by being there for him to hug if he needed to.

Jacota wasn't sure what to think of angels. Ishvi said they were perfect, and he was half angel. But being home, where there were angels, hurt him. Because he couldn't be perfect. Jacota didn't like whatever was making Ishvi hurt, and if angels were one of those Jacota didn't like angels. Or he thought to. But...
"I have never seen or met an angel. I don't know what perfection is. But...if it hurts you...I don't know...if I like it."
Jacota lowered his head bit by bit as he voiced these thoughts and his ears drooped. He wasn't used to saying what he really thought or felt, saying those words made him feel really insecure. But he wouldn't lie, not with Ishvi. That hurt him. And hurting Ishvi hurt Jacota.

Jacota felt confused. He had just said that he wouldn't sink in this form, and yet Ishvi said he'd drown. But somehow Jacota had a feeling Ishvi wasn't talking just about swimming. Everything about the man screamed distress and Jacota huffed and whined at the same time with frustration. He had not worried like this about anyone since...
Jacota shed those memories for now and tried to keep his attention on Ishvi, even though it made him feel muddled. And when Ishvi forbid Jacota from following him the dog boy's tail went between his legs. Somehow...he was afraid for Ishvi.
But Jacota was also determined not to leave, not now.
"I-I won't leave."
Talking back took an immense amount of mental strength.
"I don't think you're p-poison. I will stay with you h-here. Because..."
Suddenly all tension left Jacota's body when he came to a simple realization. Simple, but big for him.
"Because...I...I want to. Because you're a good person."
Jacota sat down and his head slumped a bit, because saying all that was exhausting mentally. But he was happy he had said it. Even if Ishvi didn't believe it.

Jacota could feel his own breathing becoming bit shallow and heavy, as he observed Ishvi his mind filled with worry and slight confusion. Jacota looked down at himself and felt immense frustration at his nightmare form. He wanted to offer Ishvi some physical contact, use his body warmth to give him at least a little comfort. But...
Jacota looked up to the sky briefly. Still a long time to sunrise.

Jacota could make out the word, as Ishvi breathed it out. Why. Jacota didn't falter at the face of this question, because he knew the answer. It was as simple as the question, although it wasn't as simple for Jacota to voice it.
"Because...Because I want to."
Jacota huffed slightly, and saw as Ishvi reached out towards him only to pull his hand back. Somehow that hurt Jacota, and as Ishvi voiced his next words the hurt became even greater. Jacota made a decision, and sat down next to Ishvi.
Then he shifted into his human form, without a sound.
Jacota had dark attire and he seamlessly camouflaged into the nightly forest. But his amber eyes gleamed a bit in the dark.
Jacota's ears were pressed against his head, and he was full of uncertainty. But slowly Jacota reached out and touched Ishvi's arm. Though Jacota wasn't sure if this was fine he had a firm expression, and his eyes were gentle.
"I'm here. I'm not going away."