It took Shay at least a day of alone time before she knew what she wanted to say. That was how she worked. She had to think carefully about her words, because, despite a love for writing, she was never very good with them when it came to others.
To Shay, it would have been perfectly reasonable had Klaus hated her and turned his back on her. The thought hurt, but it was a reaction she could have understood. Sadness was harder.
All of the anger and tantrums, even before the breakdown, left her understanding how afraid of Vito and Klaus she still was. If she were honest, she was more afraid of Klaus than Vito. Vito, she could understand. She was like him. With Klaus, it was the exact opposite reason someone might have been afraid of a crime lord.
So, when Shay had words -- not solid words, but still words -- she sought Klaus out. Alone. That was the hard part, waiting for him to be alone. Somewhere between crowds, when he took a trip to his office, she followed him and stood at the entrance of the door.
Sorry wasn't what Shay wanted to say. It was bigger than sorry. Everything was bigger and more important around Vito and Klaus. These were subtle, but critical moments and Shay had enough intuition to recognize that. To read the air and the could be's instead of the are's.
She summoned what she wanted to say. It scared her. It was like opening her chest to showcase her heart and wondering if it was big enough. Deep enough. Could he see the sincerity of it? Could she be strong when she felt so weak?
"I don't hate you," she told him, trying hard not to look at him because that made things so much more difficult and Shay didn't want to cry. She wanted her brittle mask to stay in place, to have some armor for when he rejected her. When he decided, he was sick of her and sent her away. "I'm afraid of you."
She sighed, shoulders slumped and defeated. "Christ, Klaus. Since the first time I met you, I trusted you. I trust you to keep me safe, and when I'm around you, I feel invincible. Since my parents died," she tried to suppress her wince at that word. She'd never said it in conjunction with her parents before. "Since they've died I've never felt loved or safe. It's just been me. And part of that is my fault.
"But then you came into my world. In an instant, you managed to break my walls down and look through me like no one had before. But I can't read you. I'm so blinded by all these things I don't understand. All I know is you make me warm, at first, I thought that was all your magic, but it's not. It's you too.
"Then, you're this demon, and some crime lord and I have this nagging voice in my head every time you go out. I'm afraid for you, too, even if you can't die. I hate the idea that someone hurts you. Or that people might talk bad about you. I'm so, so proud of you. I know you don't get to see that, and I know this isn't something the kid is supposed to say, but I am.
"Why do you think I called you that night? I was scared, and I wanted to feel safe. You're what popped into my head --" Shay paused, and puffed out her cheeks before releasing her breath, face aflush with emotion. "Damn, I lost my point. I'm talking too much. Look. I didn't have a lot of these things before, and it's hard accepting them now. It's hard accepting you. I don't get you. Furthermore, I can't get why you'd want me. Greed demon, yeah yeah, but you're not only a greed demon. You're human, too, and you have so many better options."
She hung her head as she went on rambling yet again. "Sometimes, I think I feel too safe around you, and that scares me shitless. I...-- No matter what you show me. No matter what you could become. Even if you wanted me out tomorrow, I'm scared because I know I'd never forget you."
Shay wasn't sure when, but at some point, tears had rolled down her cheeks. Her voice didn't waver much, and she didn't sob, she was stronger than that, but the idea that she wasn't good enough, that this was all a momentary segment in her life was engrained hard.
"And I'm not eloquent enough to express just how much I appreciate your presence in my life."