Bleeding Darkness

G

Guest

Guest
This was written a couple of weeks ago, in one of my fits of dark despair.


The darkness inside
Once again has risen.
The shadows consume
Everything I ever was.
My bleeding heart,
Tears open every day,
At only the thought,
Of all my mistakes.

You think I would learn,
But I never do.
I suppose that's the fault,
Of the life that I live.
I push away those,
That have always cared.
And surround myself,
With cold, uncaring 'friends'.




It's actually a work in progress, that part being written, like I said, two weeks ago. Anyone feel free to tear it apart, or raise it up, as you will.

By the way, anyone ever notice that most of the GOOD amatuer writers usually do their best work in moments of despair, anguish, or hatred?
 
R

Radella Estin

Well-Known Member
Inactive
Jan 16, 2006
1,239
Well, to be a good poet you should be writing in the poems in your times of despair, hatred, happiness, anguish and so on. If they aren't writing it when they feel like that, they aren't getting to the right core of what they are reading.

I, for one, can not write a poem to save my life. Besides, if I could, and wrote a poem of what I normally feel like, my Mum would kill me, thus making her extremely sad and thinking she has done somethign wrong.

But, back on track, I think it's a really good poem. And since you said it's in the making, I can say that it still needs some work without you chasing me with a knife.
i can't give you any advice because I can't write poems, although, I can say this:
I think you need to make it flow better, ya know? It's sorta jumpy at places.
 
G

Guest

Guest
*laughs, chases with a knife anyway* Nah. I know it's a bit choppy, but still. I know it needs work, hence the Work In Progress. Thanks for the comment though.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Forgot your password?