Finished Been pushed far enough already

Yuki sighed. The autumn winds were beginning to get colder, and soon they'd be nipping at his skin. It was already the kind of weather where you wanted to wear a scarf, and before long it'd be time to break out his jackets. But it also meant that Yuki would say goodbye to beanie-less Gabe for a while. Although that wasn't a bad thing in and of itself - the young scion had to admit the look of his boyfriend all wrapped up warm was adorable and pleasing to the eye.

He wished they could've eaten lunch together today, but alas. It was one of the days that their schedules didn't line up. He couldn't help but feel the bite of loneliness as he opened up his bento box and pulled out a warm rice ball. It was a small comfort and luxury to eat warm packed food, but certainly a welcome one. Mahalia was brilliant when it came to knowing what Yuki liked.

He hadn't been expecting to see Jasmine again. He didn't even recognise the voice at first, but after he turned he felt a jolt of uncomfortable feelings course through him. A voice whispered in his ear: put the mask on. Use the façade. Your persona is your shield. But he didn't want to listen. He felt like Jasmine deserved more than that, and... he had to admit there was a sense of kinship somewhere in him. Fellow survivors. Fellow ex-mental health facility residents. The emotions were a cocktail glass of complexity that he didn't want to drink from.

"I see," he replied. His hands trembled a little as he put his lunch and box away, tucking them into his messenger bag. "How, erm. How can I help?"
His smile was unconvincing.

Yuki blinked. "Oh."

That was all he could say, really. Oh. It was funny, considering the whirlwind of emotions running through him. He'd hated her at first, considering she'd sent her boyfriend into a panic attack and threatened them with what would at least be considerable as a realistic imitation firearm. He wasn't sure about the laws in Manta Carlos but at the very least that behaviour was illegal in the UK. She didn't know about his own spiral, it seemed. The thought of that sent a dark wave rushing through him. But he didn't want to say anything. Didn't want to do anything. It was an awful position to be in.

On the one hand, he wanted to explain himself. Why he didn't really like Jasmine. Why he felt he was wronged by her. He wanted to pin the blame for everything that had happened to him on her; to give it focus. Give it reason. He also wanted to explain why he went running after her. He'd been trying to help, but all he got was a firework to the face. And yet she had the audacity to say she wasn't mad at him. Like he was seeking her...well, maybe he was seeking her approval. Deep down. But he didn't like that.

"Oh," he found himself repeating again, nodding with a blank expression. "Cool."
And he supposed that would be that.

Yuki found his stomach turning in his gut. "Maybe it would be best," he began. "If you didn't waste your time." The pool of anger grew inside him, but he wouldn't let it take over. What, so she was here expecting an apology? In her eyes she was an innocent victim, devoid of all wrongdoing?

That was a toxic mindset to have. Didn't she realise she was taking away her own agency? Couldn't she see that she was the one holding on to old grudges, she was the one holding herself up to a lofty double-standard-fuelled height? Yuki was willing to let bygones be bygones, but if this was how Jasmine was going to act then he was going to dig his heels in just as hard. He wasn't going to take any bullshit. Not anymore. Not after everything he and Gabe had been through, partly at the hands of this woman.

His grip on his bag tightened and his hand went behind him to feel the ledge as he prepared himself to jump off the roof. It was a fast escape and he knew from the school policy that the fall wouldn't kill him. He'd have to trust it, especially since Jasmine was stood in his way.
He didn't want to have to fight her.

Yuki found himself hanging off the ledge by his collar, the fabric stretching and pulling as it supported his weight. He had already begun to feel the slow-fall magic working on him, had felt that feeling of being supported by air before it was ripped from him by the hand gripping him tightly.

Now he was left dangling.

"Let go of me!" He shouted, hands on Jasmine's wrist as he tried to push her grip off of his blazer until he noticed the silvery lines marking her wrists in patterns: little criss-crosses and overlaps threading the skin with spiderweb silver. His eyes widened and his hands went slack with a sickening feeling. Unlike Yuki, Jasmine really had tried to kill herself. She hadn't sought help. She'd felt all alone.

The pit in his stomach grew, and he felt sicker by the second. It was awful. Memories of Green Meadows and the nightmares he'd had resurfaced - the glint of steel on moonlight, the throbbing red veins that had screamed at him to open them...
Shivers ran down his spine. Maybe Jasmine did deserve an explanation. No matter how flawed her thought process might be, no matter whether or not she was playing the victim card, maybe it was the right thing to do to at least explain his actions. Even if he still wasn't completely in the wrong.

"You can let go, you know. I'm not going to fall to my death or anything."

Yuki felt sick. He didn't want to deal with this. Couldn't deal with it. Seeing those scars on Jasmine's wrists, feeling the tingling, sickening, creeping feeling crawling over his back was too much. The disgusting urge to take a blade and do unspeakable things was there, nagging at the back of his mind, and yet even its quiet whisper was sinister enough to make him ill. The memories were there: all too real. All too tangible. He sat on the ledge, taking deep breaths and letting the cold air soothe his nausea slightly. It wasn't enough.

"What you wanted wasn't a discussion. It was an apology. For something that I had no control over. I don't know what happened with Ferret after you pointed a flare in my face, but that's not something I could control. Jasmine, I'm sorry to hear about what happened with Ferret, and I feel awful about what came as a result of that night. I'll take that much responsibility." His gaze was soft and hard at the same time, not meeting her eyes still as he tried to shake off everything that happened between the two of them. That night, and the catalyst it served in his own trip to an inpatient facility.

"But going around seeking apologies from people isn't the right way to move forward. I don't think you should be dwelling on the past - not when you seem to be doing so much better now. I say that because... because I'm a survivor too. I thought I was doing the right thing when I chased after you, and it's just that Ferret and Gabriel decided to tag along with me for reasons I don't know. But I do know that following you wasn't my decision to make. I was just...projecting myself onto you. Assuming that you ran because you felt awful. That you ran because you didn't want people to see how you felt. That secretly... you might have been lonely and looking for someone to comfort you. And I thought maybe I could have done something. And I'm sorry for that." He shifted a little, playing with his thumbs. Focusing on the nipping bite of the wind blowing at his face. Anything to keep himself from spiralling.

"But while you're free to do whatever you want, I think it's better for everyone to move on. It's not healthy to go around seeking apologies from people. Honestly, I think it's kind of entitled." He tensed up at that, ready for anger or whatever. He also mentally prepared himself to jump in case Jasmine tried to push him off. (Which if she did would be the last straw.) "And I don't think you're going to get one from everyone, least of all Gabriel. He's not in a great place right now, and if you approach him, things are going to get worse. And I guess maybe you might feel that he deserves it. That you might want some sort of revenge." His eyes met Jasmine's, a light burning within them that carried an almost otherworldly strength. "But you and I both know that he's the most innocent person in all of this. Neither of us can deny that."