She'd failed. Agian. She was horrible at defending loved ones. Maybe it was a curse. Someone else had hurt Noli, and she wouldn't be able to fix it no matter how hard she tried, because she had been so wrapped up in everything else she couldn't see the pain. It didn't matter. She'd missed it. She'd failed her princess for a second time.
"People aren't identical Noli. You see me as loving Crysta less because I am not so openly affectionate. There's more to love than what you let people see. Crysta, if you wanted to be married I would do so in a heartbeat. If you wanted me to be more obvious about my affections I would do so. But you aren't as used to affection and emotions as Y'arzi is. I can't drown you in them like I can with him."
Saffron looked to Crysta as she spoke to her, staring straight into her eyes. There was a lot of pain in Saffron's gaze. The heart ache was ever too present, but that was irrelevant. It was her love that she was trying to convey, to pour from her dozens of hearts into Crysta's. It took everything she had to not pull the other girl into her arms and kiss her there, on the spot. There was more to be said. Noli had to know everything if she was going to make accusations.
"Y'arzi is polyamourous. I know I don't have his full attention. I'm not going to leave him just because he loves someone else too. Noli, he has orgies with his new crew regularly. And it fucking hurts. But I know he cares about me and I know he's coming back to me. It doesn't matter how far away that ship flies. It's always coming right. back. here."
"Noli. I'm not lying. If I love someone, it hurts to not give them everything. My species professes their love by giving the other the throat of an inferior suitor on a silver platter. We aren't polygamous. We aren't monogamous. Some of us go our entire lives without a mate. Some will take a mate and never have children with them, but will have children with others who are not claimed. The concepts of gender or sexuality don't exist. The rules are very simple. If you love someone. Make them happy. Make them yours. Deal with every obstacle in the way, in a way you know would make them happy. People on earth are complicated. I don't... Understand how you interpret things. I know you like my cooking. I thought you liked the sex, but with the absolute mess of hormones that is a normal, warm blooded mammal, I can't say."
Saffron shifted, her ear-fins wiggling slightly. She was talking to both of the girls, now.
"I liked waking up next to you in the morning. I liked making breakfast and being able to feel your heart beat. It's such a strange concept, having only one heart. Like a tiny little drum inside your chest. I love, hearing people speak. Carrying people in my arms. I love making my people happy. I want to take care of them. To make them safe and protected. I want them to know that no matter what, I'm here. I care. I want them to stay beside me."
"You can't say that I love anyone less than the others Noli. Ikramet don't have a sliding scale like humans, or the prax and their gods. I understand you less. I've known you for a shorter time. I... Don't want to lose you. You don't understand the pain. I have to take medication to keep myself under control as is. I... I will respect your request. I will... Never do anything you feel would make it seem like... We were in a... relationship"
Saffron spat out the word relationship as if it were poison. She hated it. Like the connections it represented were just objects to be thrown away.
"Don't ask me to leave you alone. I can't. But you should go. Find someone who can dedicate themselves to you. Find someone to grovel at your feet. I don't care. If you aren't happy here... I can't fix it unless you want me to, and clearly you mean more to me than I ever meant to you."
The fishy alien looked exhausted. Distraught. Empty. It looked like she was dying, in a way. Saffron chose to lie on the floor, her head on Crysta's feet. She didn't make eye contact with anyone. She was limp, and generally unresponsive. A pot was boiling in the other room, but Saffron made no move to turn it off. This was it. Noli was gone. She was never coming back. Would Yarzi? Would he find himself a lover somewhere else and then never return to her? Would his new crew make him forget she had ever existed at all? From the sounds of it, he'd already forgotten the ship. The rest of the crew. Had the others ever really mattered to him? Would Crysta leave her? If Crysta decided that it was too much? That she couldn't handle the emotions? Would she leave without a word? Would she tell her like Noli had?
Was this what humans called a broken heart?
After Noli left, Saffron slid up Crysta's legs, leaving a trail of tiny kisses until she had reached the other woman's forehead. She held her close, resting her forehead on Crysta's shoulder.
"I don't know if I can give up on one. Without giving up on the others. Please. Don't leave. It would kill me. If you need anything. Ever. Just say the word. I'll be right here. I love you, Crysta. I want to be yours."
Saffron slid a ring off of her finger, placing it on Crysta's instead.
"I'll find you a better one. This will do for now. I promise, Crysta. I'll love you until the end of time. Through death and beyond."
