Private An Awkward Prayer

Stefan

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"It really is nice to be appreciated. A lot of the time I don't really think I deserve it."​
Her words trailed off as she sipped more of the rich warm cocoa. This particular subject of self reflecting was hard. She used to be so confident and sure of herself, then it all came tumbling down. She had almost lost everything.​
"After...stuff happened...I alienated myself from essentially my only friend. I let her down and wasn't there when she needed me."​
Levina took a nervous and shaky bite of the croissant as she thought of KC. She was happy now. Happier than she had ever been, and it happened when Levina left the picture.​
"But she's happy now. Extremely actually. I'm just scared the same would be true for Broen. That maybe he'd actually be happier without me here..."​
 

PixelatedGlory

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"Hmm. I think just because things went awry with one friend doesn't mean they aren't better for having you for all the times before now. Sometimes the first steps on a journey are even more important than the last ones. I don't see the person who built this shrine very often anymore but those who came after have been plenty glad she did." Erione mused as he thought back to the first person to build him a public shrine on the island. Back when he was at a very real risk of being cut off from his divinity without it. But he didn't stop smiling. It was a happy memory for him despite her going her own way eventually.

"You know, I think maybe you should ask him to help you find all the little things to be appreciated about yourself. It's hard to do that alone but it's super important. For example you went out of your way to consult with a god and have a specially made gift for Broen that you know he'll love. That's not nothing. And neither is choosing to spend a little time here keeping me company." He winked and raised his cup of cocoa as if in cheers. "You're not perfect and no one is. But if you learn from your experiences you can only improve. You can't let a little broken glass keep you from ever making something beautiful."

And as he said that he gestured at a sculpture along the wall made entirely out of broken, jagged glass shards rearranged together into the shape of a majestic elk.
 

Stefan

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Levina began to visibly grind her teeth together. She was supposed to be perfect. That was the only time the pain stopped. That was when everyone in her past loved and took care of her. When she wasn't, she was a disappointment.​
Her electric blue eyes seemed to fade a little at the thought as she looked back to Erione and forced a smile.​
"Maybe you are right about KC. But...I have to be perfect. If I'm not, then none of it mattered. None of the pain. None of the suffering...."​
The sculpture caught her eye as he motioned to it. Her gaze lingering on it in thought before she blinked and shook her head.​
"I'm sorry. I don't mean to dump all this on you. I've just been struggling lately."​
 

PixelatedGlory

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Ah, he'd hit a nerve head on with the talk of perfection. But he didn't shy away from her pain. Neither did he mind the dumping of said emotional baggage into the air around them.

"You don't have to apologize. If it's weighing on you that much then maybe it's a good thing you decided to let a little out," he replied softly as he made his way gently over to the far side of the altar and returned with a box of tissues to quietly place within her reach. Just in case.

"But," he continued but this time making sure there was a firmness to his tone. Not to the point of being unfriendly but just enough to lend himself a bit of authority he otherwise might not have been manifesting. "Perfection isn't something that can be achieved. It's a goal to strive for in the attempt to be better than before. That doesn't mean what you and others experienced wasn't meaningful. Actually it's the opposite. If you were perfect then you wouldn't be taking those memories to heart and striving to use them to be better now. You would just exist. With no wants or desires or connections to anyone. And existing without growth isn't fit for humans. Or any kind of people for that matter."
 

Stefan

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The brunt and upfront Levina had retreated. The firmness in his tone, compared with the subject they were talking about lended itself to her backing down. This was his place. She had come here for his help, and now he was being stern with her. She made sure to listen to his every word, as she had done time and time again in her past during the experiments, and even back to her father. Anything she got wrong would have consequences.​
Only this was different. He wasn't wanting her to be perfect. Actually the opposite. He wanted her to realize she wasn't and she could only work towards being perfect. Her blue eyes looked up to Erione suddenly, the beginnings of them glazing over with tears obvious.​
"But then why....why was I punished for not being perfect?"​
As soon as the words came out, the first tear dropped and rolled down her cheek. She quickly wiped it and buried her face back in her cocoa. She couldn't believe this was happening. Levina was actually opening up to Erione, but it was strange, as scared and as much as she didn't want to, she felt safe. But there was still a lingering feeling. She wanted Broen. The one person who thought she was perfect.​
 

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"Oh... hold on one moment," he said softly and moved to close the door so no one else would interrupt them. It also gave her a precious moment to herself to wipe away her tears.

Returning with a slightly saddened but knowing smile, Erione sat back down with her on the cushions. Intent on giving her his full attention. "I can't answer that, but I can say with certainty that it was wrong and unfair regardless of the reason. You're a wonderful, talented person who deserves to feel comfortable. To be loved and to love. And to feel like you have a place that's yours even without having to always be fighting to keep your standing and position. I think Broen is a major part of where you find your comfort right now and that's extremely important."

He sighed and produced a pair of small colored glass marbles to roll around in his hands. "But it sounds like there's a lot more weighing on you from your past that might be making it harder for you to enjoy your newfound happiness."
 

Stefan

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Taking a the moment he was gone, Levina did in fact wipe her eyes to stave off any further tears from falling. When he returned a small appreciative smile was given.​
His words were warm and comforting. Much like the hot chocolate she held. The closing door made her feel a little more comfortable but she still wasn't sure why she was opening up to Erione.​
"It's not just my past. Broen's too. And I know that's not fair to him, but I just want him as happy as he can be. I just hope I make him as happy as she did...."​
Levina trailed off very quickly at the realization of what she had just said. She had been comparing herself to a person she knew very little of. She bit her lip a little and slowly added pressure until she spoke just before blood was drawn.​
"I just hope I am good enough for him like she was..."​
 

PixelatedGlory

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"Hmm. I think many people would tell you it's unfair to compare yourself to someone else like that. But I know it's only natural to think about things that way. It's ok, I understand," he continued his calm reassurance as he played with the pretty little baubles in his hands. The childish activity belying his wizened experience in matters of life.

"But it's also not up to you as much as you think. You'll have to trust him to be honest with you about how he feels. You don't have to- you don't get to decide if you're good enough for your lover. That's what makes it love- if he desires to spend time and emotion and caring on you then who are you to second guess whether it's worth his effort or not? He doesn't get to decide if he's worth you running around to obtain this really special gift, does he?"

"Having said that though, I personally believe you are more than qualified enough to make him one of the happiest men here. I'd say the happiest but that would be unfair to myself and a number of my other worshipers who each have their own unique brand of happiness. I can also offer you a hug but you would have to promise me you'll be gentle. I'm not as robustly built as your Hero is."
 

Stefan

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A sniffle was evidence of the tears that had fallen and could return at any moment. Levina was desperately trying to hold on and not let them fall again. Blue eyes were drawn to the little balls of glass in his hands as he spun them. It was almost hypnotizing to watch Erione naturally manipulate them while he talked.​
The idea of the control not being in Levina's hands hit her hard. She was used to having everything under control, and if they weren't, she was punished for it in one way or another. Her face showed everything she was going through internally. She was struggling to accept what he was saying, but wanted to. It made sense. It wasn't fair for Broen to be enough for her no matter if he thought he was or not, but the same not apply to her.​
"He did open up to me about what she meant to him. I'm just scared. I've never had this feeling returned by anyone. I told myself after....after...IT...happened, I wouldn't ever let someone use me like that again. The whole time he was there, and he dropped everything when I needed him."​
Another sniff, this time much harder as she desperately tried to fight off more tears. She was losing that fight and they began to roll down her cheeks again. When Erione mentioned that he believed she was more than enough for Broen, she smiled. Something in the wording he used, 'more than qualified,' spoke to her as she looked across to the God through glassy eyes.​
"Y-you really think I am? I'd also really like that hug right now. I promise I'll be careful."​
 

PixelatedGlory

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"I don't just think so, I absolutely know you're qualified. It's ok to be afraid, love is scarily powerful. I don't know that I could even begin to handle overseeing that leviathan of a divinity," he answered softly and then carefully approached to offer her that hug.

In truth, he'd survive being shattered even if she wasn't careful but it generally wasn't a nice sight for someone in the throes of serious emotional moments like this. Plus it would hurt. A lot.
Fortunately though he felt he could trust Levina not to hurt him and it was so very clear she needed both the reassurance of the hug and the feeling of trust too.

"Just remember that he's not using you and you're not using him. You're both here to support and trust each other. And also it's perfectly ok to smile in happiness for what you have with him. Those can be tears of joy too," he added cheekily, trying to help shift her focus to the joy of what she has rather than the pain of what she had or has lost in the past.