All We See is Sky

Eroshay was waiting for Roa when he got out of school. She knew that sometimes Angelo picked him up, but most of the time Roa walked home. Classes were out this time of year, so there weren't as many students milling about. She'd asked Angelo and Roa would be here, though she couldn't recall the reason why. She'd sort of turned him out, head buzzing with white noise.

Some kids that passed her gave her odd looks. Logically, it was probably because Shay hadn't been there in a month and to kids in school that was practically a year. But to Shay, it was like everyone saw and knew what she'd done.

Traitor. Traitor. Traitor. They see your sin.

"Roa," Shay called out when she saw him, to get his attention. She intended on talking with him as she walked him home. That had nothing to do with being nervous or fear of her brother (assuming he was even that anymore) but Shay didn't want to be trapped in a house again.

Her clothing choice wasn't the usual gothic style, but instead, dark baggy clothing, including a large jacket and track pants. "You're stuck with me walking you home today."

Shay tried not to show how nervous she was as Roa approached, but she was sure it was in her smile anyway. "I guess I missed you too, so, here I am." She opened her arms a little, smile twitching.

"I'm walking you home, so we can talk. Or we don't have to talk. Whatever you want."

She was a little taken aback by the hug but was quick to return it, almost afraid to let him go. It was nice to know Roa had missed her. He wasn't angry enough to go burning anything, yet. She hoped to keep it that way.

Shay stifled a sigh and nodded as she began their walk back to Angelo's home. For at least half of it, she was quiet and contemplative. Her mind spun, and Shay couldn't help a bit of anger.

She wondered why it was only wrong when she killed someone, out of self-defense no less. Hadn't they all lived off blood money? No one had ever hated Vito or Klaus. Roa didn't hate his real father.

Why did they all hate her?

Shay groaned and rubbed her face, stopping at a small alcove of trees and a fountain. She sat on the lone bench, one leg under her. She put her face in her hands and breathed.

"Please, Roa," Shay said, "don't – don't be sorry you didn't visit. I understand. I..." Shay sighed and ran a hand through her hair, more tired than anything else by now. She wanted to cry, but Shay knew she wouldn't be able to.

She spoke slowly and deliberately now, staring at Roa so he could see the truth of what she was saying in her eyes. "I took us all out of a violent world. I fought to make a better life for all of us. For you guys. H-How could I call on you guys when I fucked it up? I can't – No, I won't ever bring you guys into that world."

"I'm so far from perfect, Roa. What I did was stupid, and I hadn't even considered how setting up a hate crime would affect you guys."

Shay paused, stared at her feet, throat feeling tight and terrible. Her voice cracked a little. "If Fitz had left me over what happened, it'd hurt, but I'd live. If he one day comes to look at me like a monster because of what he saw, I'll struggle, but I'll move on. If it was one of you?" She laughed mirthlessly. "I'd die, Roa. I couldn't handle that. I couldn't handle how disappointed in me all you would be. I can barely handle it now when you didn't see the mess."

"It's selfish. It's not fair. But it is what it is."