A Wreckoning

Romi

Secretly a Bird
Administrator
Supporter
Jun 18, 2015
10,109
Gender
Female
Pronouns
She/Her
Posting Status
Irregularly
It was time for a talk. Angelo was not the kind of person who relished talks. He chose to avoid them as much as possible. Really, in many ways Angelo actively went out of his way to avoid putting himself in situations where he might have to give a talk, because he felt so terribly out of place.

He was not their parent. Not really. He was their guardian, but he wasn't their dad, and there was no point in trying to be. That position had been filled and then emptied, and trying to slot himself into it would only end in tears.

But as a guardian he had certain responsibilities, and one of them was confronting Caelin for the things she'd said.

He waited until they were both home, and then went and knocked at her door. Her door. Her room. Her territory. It was a way of trying to make her feel more comfortable, but truly Angelo doubted it was going to matter in the long run. It was a serious talk, and he doubted she'd ever be comfortable with that.

 

Shim

queen of mediocrity
Jan 14, 2015
409
antarctica
Pronouns
She/Her
Posting Status
Weekly
It was her fault. Caelin knew that. And yet, she couldn't help but take her deepest angers out on other people and frankly, she didn't know why.

For the past few days, Caelin's recent experiences at the new community center had replayed on loop through her mind. Each time she went, she met someone new. Each time she met someone new, she left a... less than preferable impression on them, and she knew why, really. Caelin was bitter. She was angry and bitter and highly confrontational, and in her mind, she had all the right to be. But that didn't mean the girl liked it.

Deep down, Caelin wanted nothing more than to return to the joyful person she used to be. Before all the infinite siblings. Before the abandonment. Before the bullying. She wanted to seem happy again, even if her happiness was never fully genuine in the first place, and it was because of this that her experiences kept replaying through her mind.

Arrogant. Selfish. Stubborn. Rude. Violent, dangerous, dominant, imposing. Spiteful and immature. A menace.

Caelin hated this. She hated it and she couldn't stop.

A knock on the door finally pulled Caelin from her musings, and she swallowed the lump in her throat. Quietly, she kicked her legs over her bed, its comforter white and patterned with cherry blossoms. She surveyed her room, making sure it was clean enough for a visitor.

Origami masterpieces took up more space than furniture in her room, cluttering shelves and desks, hanging from the ceiling, winding up her walls. They were animals, flowers. In one corner, she had built a tree, the entrance large enough for her to crawl through but too small for most anyone else. Inside the cramped space were fairy lights, and drawings, and paper mache shelves, and her diary. The diary with the lock and key, that no one would ever be allowed to read.

The room was clean.

"Come in," Caelin called, and her expression was blank, not a trace of her internal turmoil present in her face.
 

Romi

Secretly a Bird
Administrator
Supporter
Jun 18, 2015
10,109
Gender
Female
Pronouns
She/Her
Posting Status
Irregularly
Angelo had the chest with him, filled to the brim with origami. He hadn't looked in it, but he could guess just the same from her having pulled an origami spider out of it, and he didn't feel the need to snoop.

Angelo did a lot of snooping at his job. He didn't need to do it at home.

"You left this," Angelo said as he pushed open the door, carefully setting the chest beside the door. He didn't ask if he could come in--the knock had done that--and instead stepped inside, closing the door behind him.

"We need to talk about what happened at the community center," Angelo said, getting to the point rather than dragging it out. "Do you want to tell me what happened there?"

 

Shim

queen of mediocrity
Jan 14, 2015
409
antarctica
Pronouns
She/Her
Posting Status
Weekly
Caelin felt the urge to swallow again, but she ignored it, doing her best to maintain the mask. Nevertheless, when Angelo mentioned the center, her mouth twitched into a frown before she could stop it. Instead of answering him immediately, Caelin avoided his gaze, pulling herself into a more upright position. She needed to think for a moment, to gather her words into something that both made sense and made amends. She'd been acting out lately. Rebellious, impolite, tactless. It wasn't fair to take it out on others, and it absolutely wasn't okay to take it out on their systems of worship. Even if it was inadvertant at first.

No, Caelin needed to apologize. She knew that.

"...I can't really be blamed for that comment," she said, and thus the words were spoken before she could stop them. She finally looked him in the eye.

"In our hell... Lucifer, or Satan, or... or, whatever the big guy's actual name is outside of the Princes... He messed up. He tried to steal his god's power, and in response, the god banished him to hell. And the devil took us with him.

"Because of that, everyone things demons are evil and sinful and —- and I guess we are? I'm literally the embodiment of sin? But that doesn't matter because I'm an individual and I'm a good person and I'm not dangerous, okay? And--

"...And so I'm sorry if I'm not all about the "Jesus" aspect of Christmas, alright? Jesus being the son of that god and all, or something. It's not like Christmas is really the day, either, it's just a representation of it to appease the pagans, or that's what Google said..."

Caelin finally stopped out of breath for a. She didn't know where all the words came from. It was more than she'd meant to say, but, she supposed it was validation anyway. Kind of.

She didn't mean to validate herself. She didn't mean to grow defensive. When Caelin opened her mouth, she was planning to apologize. But the words got jumbled with the anger inside, and with theirs loss went the apologies as well.

"I'm sorry," she murmured.

Caelin looked away again.
 

Romi

Secretly a Bird
Administrator
Supporter
Jun 18, 2015
10,109
Gender
Female
Pronouns
She/Her
Posting Status
Irregularly
Angelo did not like to talk theology. Theology on the island was a tricky, messy beast. It looped back on itself like some kind of horrifying oroborous, refusing to make any sort of sense. How could there be multiple Gods, capitol-G? Only there were, apparently. Or maybe there weren't. How could all of them be right?

It was a mess, but it was apparently a mess he was going to have to wade into.

"Listen," Angelo said. "What happened in that hell--in your hell--isn't even the same as Christianity. It's completely different. Satan isn't even in hell right now. It's like you've decided to believe the beliefs of extremists and racists like CAE and not actually look into things for yourself, you know."

Considering the CAE movements on the island--even if she couldn't have possibly known what had happened that day--Angelo was having a hard time believing she wasn't literally repeating the beliefs of racists right back at him.

 

Shim

queen of mediocrity
Jan 14, 2015
409
antarctica
Pronouns
She/Her
Posting Status
Weekly
Caelin rolled her eyes, but she knew — it showed that she knew — that Angelo was right. She didn't know for sure that her hell was the same as the Biblical one. She didn't know if her people had been banished or not, or if the book's account was fully accurate to any hell. Even if it was, knowing divine politics (from what she'd heard rumors of, anyway), there was probably even more to the banishment. Even still...

"That's what people say, though," Caelin muttered. "That's what everyone says. Except they use history as an insult, even people who think they're being politically correct can be so... insulting, especially this time of year, and... And I guess I just boiled over, okay?"

This time, Caelin did allow herself to swallow. She was getting emotional quickly, and emotions were not something she generally liked to deal with. She needed to swallow everything back down — the memories, the emotions, and the physical lump in her throat.

"It's not like there's been a lot positive about demons to go by, anyway," Caelin continued, and she warred with herself to maintain a passive tone, "Our family, patchworky but a family, is alright because most of us are demons, but even still. My biological father wanted nothing to do with me, doctors dissected me for my powers, my adopted parents dropped everyone like we meant nothing because their sins won against their humanity, and even I..."

She looked at her hands, wringing them. The substance in her little voice wavered, and for a moment, Caelin sounded hollow. "Even I'm a walking hazard. If my entire life validates their ideologies, why shouldn't I believe what I hear?"
 

Romi

Secretly a Bird
Administrator
Supporter
Jun 18, 2015
10,109
Gender
Female
Pronouns
She/Her
Posting Status
Irregularly
Angelo would never know what it was like to be a demon. He wasn't, and he never would be, and to say that he understood would be lying. He could understand other things, though. What it was like to have people judge you. He'd had a lot of that earlier on, when the mafia had been his entire life and he'd slip up sometimes, doing things wrong because that was how things had been. It hadn't been like that for a long while.

"So you agree with them?" Angelo said, raising his eyebrows. "You want to prove them right?" That was how he was going to handle it--by pointing out that she was absolutely going out of her way to prove them right. To make it so that any demon was the enemy of any non-demon. By not acting a sin as just a characteristic, but as an actual sin.

Because that's what she was doing.

"You're listening to racist old hatemongers who couldn't explain their own theology to you if they tried. You're listening to someone saying 'you're stupid' over and over and going 'well, if you say I'm stupid, I'll just prove you right by getting a zero on everything just to prove how right you are'. There's no sect of Christianity which wants to talk about demons over Christmas, and anyone who said anything like that to you was intentionally trying to get a rise out of you."

 

Shim

queen of mediocrity
Jan 14, 2015
409
antarctica
Pronouns
She/Her
Posting Status
Weekly
Caelin stares at her hands, refusing to meet Angelo’s eyes even though it was clear his words were affecting her. She knew he was right. She did... So why...?

“Why is it so hard to believe you?” she mumbled. Her eyes began to burn and she pushed it back. If anything, that only made Caelin more frustrated. She’d been able to control her emotions for years... so many years out of necessity, but since her fathers left, everything was messed up. Caelin wasn’t herself anymore, and it wasn’t just destroying her. It was destroying the people she loved, and if the past few months weren’t evident of that, this conversation absolutely was.

She took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry... about tonight. No one... No one even did anything. I didn’t want to be angry or cause trouble, cause it’s Christmas, and even before the island, people used to give me candy-canes on Christmas. I like this holiday, and I... I didn’t mean- No, I’m sorry that I said things that were mean. I don’t like saying mean things.”

Caelin continued looking at the floor, finding the hardwood much more interesting than the guardian before her. She remembered the rosary he carried, the masses he attended, his religion. The burn started creeping back, and all at once, Caelin felt despicable. She’d insulted the foundations of this man’s beliefs one too many times — this man, who gave up his freedom to save the lives of so many children, ones who originally swore their allegiances to mafia bosses. There was nothing that Angelo owed them that he didn’t bring on himself out of the goodness of his heart, and not once had Caelin even verbally lowered her guards to him, even if she had done so inside herself. Angelo mattered to Caelin — hells, he was the closest thing she had to a parent anymore — and she treated him like dirt anyway.

Who had she become?

And how?

“I’m sorry I insulted your god, and I’m sorry I don’t act like you matter to me, and that I’m not thankful for what you’ve done, because I am. I love—“ not yet, “—what you’ve done for us. Me and my brothers and sisters. I’m better here than... than I think I’ve ever been.”

Caelin swallowed, and finally met Angelo’s eyes, her fingers locked in a white-knuckled grip in the pink skirt Angelo bought her not long ago, and her eyes finally showing genuine emotion for the first time in a long time.

“I’m sorry I became the monster everyone’s always said I am. I don’t want to be like this anymore.”
 

Romi

Secretly a Bird
Administrator
Supporter
Jun 18, 2015
10,109
Gender
Female
Pronouns
She/Her
Posting Status
Irregularly
Angelo could practically hear a voice in his ear, leaning in to tell him he was too soft. He was, in a lot of ways. He'd been told you can't adopt all of us! and ended up adopting a dozen kids just to prove them wrong. Caelin had said something awful, but she was still a child, and she was a child with a great deal of trauma.

Maybe that should have been what he focused on.

"You're not a monster," Angelo said, leaning forward to pull Caelin into a (very careful) hug. "I'm not sure what prompted it, but I think it would be best if we found out. I know you've said you weren't ready for therapy--" A fact Angelo strongly disagreed with, being of the opinion that anyone could go into therapy for any reason at any moment, "--but I think it's time enough for that. We'll find you someone who has experience with the things you've been through. They can work with you, and try and find out why you feel this way."

He didn't really understand what had brought it up, but it didn't seem like Caelin did either.

 
Forgot your password?