Private Finished A sickness of the soul

Kada · Nov 2, 2020

"We can look into options, but it would be a great help to know more about the nature of... whatever this connection is to this..." the doctor paused so they could dance around saying the word itself, "...individual. The easiest, albeit temporary solution is just to make sure that no one says it in her presence. That's easy enough given that most people don't even know that the Oleti religion exists, let alone who the major figures of it are."

The doctor typed some more information onto their computer, pursing their lips as they did. "But we will look into a more permanent solution."

"Am I a demon, then?"

Shara's tone made the question sound so matter-of-fact, but Irene had been around her enough to know the more subtle ways that she expressed emotion - even when she insisted that she didn't. The question scared her, as did the answer that she seemed to already assume as the default.

"Ah... we can't know that for sure. And even if you are, there's nothing wrong with that. Demons are just as much regular people as anyone else." The doctor smiled at Shara and then moved their gaze up to Irene, saying, "I need to go check on some lab results. I'll return shortly."

PixelatedGlory · Nov 6, 2020

Irene winced, feeling more than hearing the tension hidden behind the supposed calm of Shara's question. She was scared and he was too. But he was quite old and she mostly needed someone to take her hand and help her through this. Whatever this was.

He nodded as the doctor took their leave and then knelt down to be at Shara's eye level.

"You are and will always be my daughter Shara. Or another name if you choose to change it but that won't change who you are to me. Demon or not, my love won't change, ok? And I know you're scared. Its ok to be. I can put a word in at the school so they know how to keep you safe."

He paused in his reassurances to give her a chance to react. Or to question. Or hell, to scream and punch in frustration. Not thst she was likely to do so from what he'd seen but the point was to give her a chance to. He could take whatever she needed to let off.

Kada · Nov 9, 2020

Shara turned and focused her attention on Irene as he dropped down to her level. Her handlers had rarely done this, but she had come to be used to it with him. He wasn't a handler, after all. It made sense that he would behave differently.

"I-" she started, a sliver of her mask cracking as she stumbled over her words in a rare display. "I know this. You have told me many times that you love me. I just do not... know what this means for me. What I am to become, if I am... this terrible thing. There is too much uncertainty."

Her breath hitching ever so slightly, Shara leaned forward and pressed her face into Irene's shoulder. She needed comfort, even if she didn't want to admit or ask for it. "Vedite-" she flinched hard even as she said the name, having briefly forgotten her own connection to it. When she recovered, she panted hard but forced herself to continue. "...did many terrible things. Are... were the things I did terrible? Am I... did I hurt innocent people?"

PixelatedGlory · Nov 15, 2020

If Irene's heart wasn't breaking already those quiet, pained words of hers definitely shattered any doubt about it. He clutched his daughter to his chest protectively and let out what amounted mostly to soft instinctual cooing sounds. Only squeezing her more when she hurt herself with the forbidden name.

"Oh Shara, please don't say that name. I want you to listen to me closely. Whatever your connection to this person-who-I'll-never-name, you are still your own person and don't you forget that. I can't judge things you did before I met you. It was a different place and you did what you were supposed to do based on what you knew," he explained softly as he held her in his arms there in the cold and fairly sterile hospital room. Wishing this conversation could be taking place at home. Their home. The comfortable nest that he'd been slowly tweaking to suit each of their needs as best he could.

Leaning forward to place a kiss on the very top of Shara's head he continued, "You are not bad. You are just still learning how to find your own way and I promise to always help guide you if you need it. And even when you don't want it too- the downside to having me for a dad I guess, right?" The little joke didn't really seem all that funny after he'd said it out loud. Oh well.

Kada · Nov 16, 2020

"I do not see guidance as a downside," Shara muttered, pressing her face into Irene's chest. Despite herself, she felt tears well up at the corner of her eyes and spill out in a slow trickle as she clung to his shirt. "I do not want to be a bad person. But I do not want to be ashamed of my duties to the Dominion. I am-" then she corrected "-was a soldier."

But not anymore. So much had changed around her since the Godslaw had been implemented, and she had moved billions of miles away from her home. Maybe more, she wasn't exactly sure. But of all the changes the one that had caused her the most grief was the apparent loss of her purpose. Although she did still have...

"Father? May I be honest about something?" Shara's voice was small, and she wasn't sure if she should compromise her mission in this way. But in all the time she had been on Earth, on Manta Carlos, she had not encountered the target that she had been assigned. There was a part of her that doubted the angel, but that couldn't be right. Could it?

PixelatedGlory · Nov 17, 2020

Irene gave a knowing smile, slightly tinged by sadness. Shara was a great child, but he knew she wouldn't always agree with his guidance. It was only a matter of time until she wanted her independence. And he wanted nothing more than for her to soar as high as she could. he continued to softly coo and comfort her as he listened to her right up until she asked her question, reassuring her that it was ok to be proud of doing something well- whatever it was.

The question though very clearly was important and Irene shushed himself, adjusting their position so that he could look down into Shara's eyes. "Always. You can always be honest with me Shara. You will never get into trouble with me for being honest, and if you're unsure or need help I would prefer you share with me rather than hide things from me so I can help if I can."

Kada · Nov 18, 2020

Shara's breath was a little shaky as she steeled herself for this. She didn't know how Irene would react to knowing about her mission and her true reason for coming to Earth. But she wanted to be honest with him, to absolve herself of all of... this.

"I was sent here with a purpose. To hunt down and kill a target Prax, a former member of the Dominion who had aided our enemies. In the time I have lived here, I have not found even a trace of him. And I have become... conflicted, as of late. About the nature of my mission. About what I would do if I were to complete it, now that I have..."

Now that I have a family was what she wanted to say, but stopped short. She could already tell that Irene was upset by the very nature of the conversation that they had had already. She knew that it was likely that he might reject her, knowing the full extent of why she was on Earth to begin with. And she knew that she wouldn't be able to blame him if he did.

So Shara stood very still, holding her breath and waiting. Hoping that Irene wouldn't hate her, but preparing herself for that eventuality.

PixelatedGlory · Nov 20, 2020

Irene's expression of concern deepend slightly, his eyes widening a fraction ans his head cocking to the side as he heard of her mission.

Murder. Assassination.

The thought of his daughter being responsible for that sort of darkness pained his pacifist heart as if someone had put to use a nasty little spear and twisted it through him. It was enough to force him to pause noticeably. And that hurt even more as he knew it was probably killing her waiting for his reaction.

"Shara. You need to breath."

Words which seemed awfully incongruous with his chosen action of course- namely his wrapping his arms around her andulling her in for another squeeze. And also... crying? He was definitely letting loose a few droplets cascading off his cheeks.

"I know you know how I hate killing, Shara. It saddens me that you were sent here to do that of course. And I'm betting that was very hard for you to admit to me. I will protect your secret if you want me to. You're my daughter. I love you no matter who you are or what you feel you need to do to be yourself."

Kada · Nov 23, 2020

"I know," she responded simply, after doing as he asked by taking a sudden, deep breath. "That, along with not wanting to risk the integrity of my mission, is why I did not tell you until now."

She pulled back slightly, wiping at her eyes as she struggled to think of how to respond to this honestly bizarre outpouring of love and support. There were tears, but she refused to acknowledge them outright - trying to disguise her action as rubbing the bridge of her nose in thought.

"I do not know what I want to do. That is the problem. I am... almost certain at this point that if the man I was given as a target even exists, that he either never came here or fled long ago before I could track him down. If I was deceived, I do not know to what end. I wold question al-Qanh Saeta felh-Malara so that I might know her intentions. But she is a god, and several galaxies away besides."

She bit her lip hard, pausing to think as she leaned back in to hug Irene again. Though she was still fairly calm by the standards of a kid her age, she was clearly having her own kind of breakdown. "And if I was not deceived, and my target is not on Earth... I do not wish to leave to pursue him."

PixelatedGlory · Nov 28, 2020

Irene didn't even try to hide his own tears. He just wished the magic in them could heal the pain and uncertainty plaguing her like he could if she'd been actually sick. But alas that seemed too selfish to dwell on, and a bit like cheating her out of what she really needed anyway.

He sniffed and gladly welcomed the renewed hug from her. "I have a lot of answers from my life but im not sure my answers are the right ones for you. I'm not religious but I would assume that if someone of great religious authority sent me here then maybe they had a hidden purpose."

He shrugged and tucked his head back in to give the top of her head a quick peck once more. "It sounds like you want to stay but if you really need to confirm you're supposed to stay... what if we see about trying to send word to this person for you. The Tors are well enough known here that there must a way of making contact through them or in connection with their business."

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Private Finished A sickness of the soul

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