A Life of Imitation

Zora · Jul 10, 2018

"Good choice..." Noel said with a broad grin, glad that the young before him had taken a mint. One of his beliefs were, "If you could accept a candy that meant things weren't all that bad that a bit of sugar couldn't fix."

Taking a mint for himself, Noel put the candies away. "Let's go for a walk. Maybe get away from all this?" he suggested glancing back at the chapel. Hiding the fact that he thought it was all religious nonsense, meant to self-glorify one god, who actually didn't seem to care much anymore for those who worshipped him.

Noel remembered a time that the deity behind all of this, had actually shown some personal interest in those who venerated him. But with the passing centuries, that interest had become less and less, and Noel saw very little of Yahweh these days. It was like the god had become bored and moved onto something more interesting somewhere else.

"I'm Noel Sinterklass, by the way." Noel said, suddenly aware that he had not, in fact, introduced himself properly. "Local toy aficionado, and Ancient Mythology teacher at the Academy. " he said with a smile, "Though, I don't suspect you are in my classes, am I right?"

@SirCatfish

SirCatfish · Jul 10, 2018

Theo smiled back a little hesitantly at the man. The man seemed to be genuinely nice, which was a pleasant surprise. Theo had not had the chance to meet too many genuinely nice people recently.

"That's fine, sir. Let's go for a walk," Theo nodded. He personally did not want to wander around aimlessly. That made him think too much, and thinking too much was bad, because it all lead back to the same thing. But he'd be talking to somebody, and it takes quite a lot of focus to do that, so with any luck he should be distracted enough to not feel bad.

"Nice to meet you, sir. Should I call you by your first name, or something else?" he asked, politely. The man - Noel's - surname sounded vaguely familiar, but Theo can't quite place it. "Toys. That's an interesting hobby. No, sir, I'm not in any of your classes. I study law, sir. As a post-graduate degree, I'm working towards a doctorate in it."

The grounds was always a nice place to wander. He walked for a minute or two alongside Noel, few words being exchanged. Soon his mind was spiralling again. He had to make more small talk.

"Thank you for, well, earlier, sir. I appreciated it." Theo said, smiling, "I was being quite stupid. My kind, churches, we don't mix very well."

@Zora

Zora · Jul 10, 2018

"Noel is fine. I am only Mr Sinterklaas to my students and their parents," he said with a chuckle as they started off on their walk. It was still a very odd thing to him being called Mr Sinterklaas. He had never really had a last name before. Never really needed one until he accepted a position at the Academy, and so he decided to use one of the names that folks had called him over time.

"Law... a very noble profession indeed," Noel remarked when the young man told him he was studying law. "A solicitor, judge?" he asked with interest. "Or maybe a paralegal, or attorney? he inquired of the young man.

As they walked in silence, Noel regarded the young man quietly, wondering what private demons were causing him such a heavy burden of unhappiness. Noel could often tell when people weren't quite happy or satisfied with life, and it bothered him now that one so clearly bright, kind and well-mannered could be so distraught.

"Being curious about something is not being stupid," Noel said keeping his gaze on the path ahead of them. "Believing blindly and without question in something is stupid," he said. "Eating too much ice cream is perhaps stupid." he stated gazing up at a cloud in the sky. "But what you did was not stupid, it was perhaps a bit risky, although, I imagine that you knew that already, no?" he said as he looked at him with an understanding gaze.

SirCatfish · Jul 11, 2018

Theo nodded at the name option. He himself had always felt a little embarrassed to be addressed by his surname as well, especially when it is so at odds with his identity. If he hadn't felt so bad today he'd probably laugh at the irony. Theo Bishop, who can't even go into a church. Ironic.

"A barrister, sir. So like an attorney," Theo explained. The American legal system was a bit different from what he was studying, as the plan was for him to go home and practice in the UK, but he didn't want to have to explain everything to Noel. It took too much time and most people got bored. A noble profession. Not many people had called law that. Some people were in firm belief that all lawyers were liars, out for money. But he was glad somebody understood why he chose this.

"Yes, I was aware. I've been aware for a while," Theo said, when the old man asked. It was nice of him, what he was doing. Actually trying to talk to him. It made Theo feel a bit better, though he wouldn't want to admit it. "Well, sir, I just wanted... to stop thinking for a while. Does that make sense?"

He wasn't so sure why he was being so honest, though it did feel nice to stop hiding, once in a while.

@Zora

Zora · Jul 11, 2018

"Aah, so a barrister, is it?" Noel declared, looking with a raised eyebrow impressed by the brown-haired young man strolling beside him. "Those are the fellows with the wigs and long robes if I recall correctly," he stated with a thoughtful nod. Many gods like Noel liked order, and the law was one way to achieve that. It kept people safe, and when people felt they were safe, they felt happier. He was a great supporter of fluid legal systems that worked for the people. He had seen times without real laws, and they were generally times of strife, poverty, civil unrest and open warfare.

"Thoughts always come and go no matter what you do. Even when we sleep, we think. Trying to stop them is like trying to stop day from turning to night," he replied calmly at the boy's words about wanting to stop thinking.

"What you need to do is change the nature of your thoughts. As a negative thought enters, you counter it - much as a lawyer might do," here Noel looked at him meaningfully, referring to a skill that barristers had. They countered and questioned, presented another point of view to the courtroom, "with something else, something more positive." Noel suggested, not saying any more, just letting the young man think about that, letting the idea sink in.

@SirCatfish

SirCatfish · Jul 11, 2018

"Yes, sir, those people," Theo said, and grinned. The UK was perhaps the only country left in the world who still made their judges and barristers wear wigs and robes when arguing in court. He had always found it a bit funny, and it's hard to take somebody wearing a powdered wig seriously, but it was something he'd have to get used to later in his studies. Law is such an interesting field. He came into it not knowing much aside from the fact that it seemed viable as a career, and now he genuinely enjoyed every part of his education. When he had studied maths back at the university, he had really liked it, but that was because maths had been something he was always good at. This was new, and he loved doing it.

Theo frowned a little at Noel's comments about the thoughts. That was certainly one way to look at it. He had usually dealt with it by shoving it to the back of his head. From his pocket, he took out the cellophane that the mint came wrapped in and toyed around with it.

"Well, sir. The positive things... they always turn into negative things, after a while," he said. It felt nice to talk about this. He was a bit wary that it was a stranger, but it made him feel a bit better. "I... well, it's like there's this... sinkhole, in my head, and everything that's good just gets sucked in. I just can't... well, I just can't get it to stop. And it's.... Sorry. I shouldn't have, sorry."

Suddenly he felt a bit like crying. This was something that hadn't happened for a while now. It's been two years. Plenty of time to "get over it." For a normal person, at least. He fidgeted with the cellophane, trying to keep his hands still.

"I... I miss him."

@Zora

Zora · Jul 11, 2018

Noel just let the young man talk, sensing that he needed to, and that comfortable silence was better than random babbling or telling him everything would be all right. Things in life usually worked themselves out in the end, he had found. Though telling someone this didn't make them always feel better, probably because it didn't provide an immediate solution to their problems.

Frowning when he heard the young man speak, Noel noticed that his words carried a hint of anguish to them, and this in itself worried Noel. He was good at recognizing sadness and despair, and it seemed this youth was filled with it.

"I have been alive for time immemorial," Noel said gently, looking sideways at the forlorn young man, "And I can tell you loss is never easy, nor does it quite go away. It takes a little part of us when it leaves. A piece we can never quite replace, nor should it be replaced." he stated firmly.

"Loss helps make us into who we are, and who we'll become. And understanding loss leads to compassion and compassion allows hope to spring in others. And right now, I think you need a little hope, no?" Noel asked softly.

@SirCatfish

SirCatfish · Jul 12, 2018

It was nice to have somebody who listened. Mostly, when Theo talked about these sort of things (which he never really did anyways), people would try to bombard him with advice as soon as he opens his mouth. It's not that he didn't like getting advice, per se. His brother, Keith, gave some of the best advice. But sometimes it was just nice to have someone to listen for a while. And Noel did listen to him, an it made him feel better, if only for a little bit.

Learning that Noel was immortal did not really surprise Theo. Like him, then. Except maybe older, definitely wiser. He seemed the type. Speaking about loss... well, if one had lived for hundreds of years, Theo would imagine that they have seen more and lost more than anyone else had. Here was somebody who understood.

"Yes, sir. A little hope would be nice," Theo said, avoiding Noel's eyes. He clasped his hands together to stop them from trembling before continuing. "The thing is... I could've stopped it. I... if I had known, if I had tried harder... maybe he'd still be alive right now and I wouldn't be... here. I'd be..."

He trailed off, biting down on his lip to stop him from saying more.

@Zora

Zora · Jul 12, 2018

Noel shook his head sadly. He understood now exactly what was wrong, he had seen it countless times throughout the ages. Even experiencing it himself once or twice. "You could not have changed his fate... " Noel said kindly. "You might have prolonged the inevitable, but the result would have been the same," he said with sadness. He had seen people try to save someone, even make deals with angel and demons alike and 99.9% of the time, the unavoidable was only postponed for a short while and a hefty, if not horrible price, was often paid for that extra time.

"It hurts now, and part of you will always feel the pain and wonder what if, but you could not have changed the outcome, no matter if you had offered yourself in his place." Noel said, "Death would have still taken what was his."

"You mustn't torture yourself. Be sad, grieve for as long as you need, if you need a century, then take it.. but don't apologise for caring about another being. And please, don't blame yourself... cause that, my friend, is actually, quite stupid." Noel said with a ghost of a hint of a smile.

SirCatfish · Jul 12, 2018

Theo shut his eyes and nodded. Noel's words were genuine, probably drawn for real experience. What he said about the outcome and how it was inevitable, though, Theo still couldn't bring himself to believe in. Perhaps if it was an illness, some sort of an accident, it would've been preventable. But something like what happened to David... it was obvious.

The talk about grieving, though, gave him a bit of reassurance. He had thought that he was a bit oversensitive for not being able to get over it, as Keith put it. But from what Noel had said, maybe it's okay to let himself be sad a little longer. Maybe he should get help. He knew that the school had therapists, but it always felt a bit embarrassing, especially since his life had been so normal compared to everybody else on the island. It was a bit hypocritical of him, really. Encouraging David to get help 2 years ago, and now denying himself of it.

He smiled at the "stupid" comment, if only a little.

"I'm trying. But it's... not hard. It's not something like an accident. It's... well, if I had paid more attention to him, if I hadn't been... " Theo stopped talking. There was a lump in his throat, and his hands were trembling. "Sorry, sir. Your advice... thank you."

@Zora

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A Life of Imitation

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