Not Enough...

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Brendon Matthews' Home
●●●●●●●●{{ <a href='http://i1281.photobucket.com/albums/a507/BrenMatthews/SA%20Roleplay/houseplans_zps0dd7ec27.gif' target='_blank' rel='nofollow'>level 1 floor plan</a> }}●●●●●●●●
Brendon Matthews & Autumn Matthews

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I'M STRUGGLING TO FIGURE OUT WHO I AM, CHAINED BY THIS FEAR INSIDE
and i'm being drawn to you.
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Brendon continued to hug his legs to his chest and keep his sheet fully wrapped
around him. The vacuum cleaner was always so loud. It always heard his ears.
But, it was only a handful of minutes before it was all over and his mother was
wrapping up the cord and placing the vacuum away once more.



She smiled down at him as she glanced his way… and the smile he returned was
strained. He… He should probably start on his laundry now. He shouldn’t…
procrastinate… He needed to get it done. A part of him was afraid, though. He
was afraid to go into his bedroom. He was afraid that Mr. Ardel would be waiting
outside for him and would… lure him in again.



“I…,” He began slowly, but hesitated. His mother turned to give him her full
attention. “Mother, I… I would like to do my laundry. But, I… I misplaced one of
my robes. Can you help me find it?”



Slowly, he stood from the couch and placed his sheet down as neatly as he could.
His mother came to the bedroom with him… Brendon stared around his room…
but mostly at the window… His heart picked up as… as he wondered if he was
outside. If he was there…



His heart clenched and filled with a soft pain, and he quickly looked away. He
retrieved his laundry basket and glanced toward his mother as she asked him
which robe he had misplaced.



“O-Oh, it’s right here,” He told her… lamely… as he stared down into the laundry
basket.



“It was on your floor and I picked it up for you,” His mother told him and gave him
a puzzled look. “It was in plain view, sweetie.”



“O-Oh, was it?” He mumbled and tightened his hold on his basket. “I guess I
didn’t see. Thank you for finding it…”



He made his way out of his bedroom, his mother following behind him. He carried
his laundry basket down the hall and opened the sliding doors where their washer
and dryer were located.

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I'M STRUGGLING TO FIGURE OUT WHO I AM, CHAINED BY THIS FEAR INSIDE
and i'm being drawn to you.
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“Are you feeling a bit better, sweetie?” His mother asked him as he sat the laundry
basket down. He glanced up to her just as she began to feel his forehead once
more. “I can do your clothes and you can continue resting.”



Brendon frowned softly and felt upset. He didn’t want to continue lying to his
mother. He didn’t want to have to lie to her again. It… It wasn’t right. He was
being an awful, disrespectful, son.



“I’m feeling okay,” He told her with a subtle smile. “I can do my clothes.”



He proceeded to place them into the washer… the first robes being the ones that
smelled the most of Mr. Ardel. He hesitated… and clutched tightly onto them with
his hand. It took him a moment… It took him a lot longer than it should have…
But, he reached forward and placed them into the washer. He piled his other
clothes in as well and set everything up.



He frowned down at the washer, down at the clothes and the detergent. His heart
beat heavier, quicker, as he realized that he… he was erasing his scent now.
H-He just needed to go… grab the bag.



Slowly, he moved away from the laundry area in order to go retrieve the bag that
Mr. Ardel had delivered. His mother had placed the bag into the closet just before
the front door. Brendon hesitated as he stood at the end of the hallway. His
mother was seated on the couch with a book and pen within her lap.



S-She would question him… W-Would she put it all together? He… He needed
to do this. He had to get the bag… A little stiffly, he moved forward and toward
the closet. As he opened it, as he had expected, his mother asked him what he
needed from the closet.



“I’m…,” He hesitated… “I’m going to… to wash this bag, too.”



“What’s wrong with the bag?” She asked him, genuinely confused by his bizarre
behavior as of late. “It is brand new and had only been used for carrying the
store books here.”



Brendon clutched the bag tighter… the scent of Mr. Ardel… beginning to consume
him. His heart beat faster… and he closed the closet door.



“I, I know that it’s new.” He mumbled out and tried walking back toward the
hallway as quick as he could. “I like the smell of our detergent. It’ll be even
cleaner now.”



His heart was pounding… and he had fibbed again. He hadn’t been able to tell her
the truth about Mr. Ardel. H-He couldn’t tell her how he felt.

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I'M STRUGGLING TO FIGURE OUT WHO I AM, CHAINED BY THIS FEAR INSIDE
and i'm being drawn to you.
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His mother didn’t question him further. There was just silence… as he stood
before the washing machine with the bag in his hand. His heart was clenching,
hurting, all over again… and doing this was… was ridiculously hard. He didn’t
understand why it was so hard…



Slowly, he reached forward and placed the bag into the washer. And then he
stared… He stared at the dial, knowing that this was it—this was the last step.
After this… his scent would be completely gone. He wouldn’t be here anymore.



His eyes burned and he reminded himself, once more, that his emotions weren’t
reliable. There was no reason for him to feel this way, to act this way. He
couldn’t succumb to it. He wouldn’t allow himself. He forced himself to reach
forward and turn the dial, turning the machine on.



His heart clenched, painfully, but he turned away from the machine. He turned
and walked away from it… and back out into the living room. His breathing had
picked up a little, but he quickly made his way to the couch and pulled his covers
back over him. He wrapped himself up and laid down on the couch, pressing his
face into his pillow and closing his eyes tightly.



He felt like he was going to cry… but he kept the tears back. He fought against
them and just kept his eyes tightly shut. He pretended to sleep… while his mother
silently wrote within her book. She didn’t bother him, she didn’t ask questions…
She remained quiet and let him rest. He kept his eyes closed the entire time.

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I'M STRUGGLING TO FIGURE OUT WHO I AM, CHAINED BY THIS FEAR INSIDE
and i'm being drawn to you.
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It was thirty to forty-five minutes later when his mother spoke up. She had closed
her book, had turned off almost all of the lights out in the living room, and was
now hovering over him and gently brushing away his bangs to feel his forehead
once more.



“Sweetie, did you want to sleep out here?” She asked him, uncertain since he
hadn’t been feeling well all afternoon and evening.



Brendon slowly opened his eyes to glance up toward her. The washer had long
since stopped… but he hadn’t gotten up to place his wet clothes into the dryer.



He… He didn’t want to sleep out here alone. He… He didn’t want to return to his
own bedroom, either. He was afraid of Mr. Ardel waiting for him. He was afraid
of opening the window for him, of being caught within his spell.



“Can I sleep with you tonight?” He asked her and began to pick himself up to
gather his sheet and pillow. She agreed and held her hand out for him. He took
it and walked to her bedroom with her… while hugging his things to his chest.



His bedroom… was so close. He stood before his mother’s door… and glanced
toward his own bedroom. He glanced toward his bed… and the window. B-But
then, as his heart began to beat quicker, he quickly entered his mother’s bedroom
and climbed onto her bed.

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