I Tried. I'm Sorry.

Noli Zaphir

It was the day after Christmas. Malara had just gotten engaged to Cat. Then she was going to go off and fight that Centipede lady. And then…what?

Noli was convinced to stay on Earth, but…was she convinced she should be with Malara? She wasn’t so sure. Once Malara announced her engagement to Cat, all those horrible feelings came flooding back that made her want to leave the planet. She was inferior. She was the lowest tier girlfriend. Malara would be happier without her in the way.

She couldn’t do this anymore, could she?

Noli was thinking of wearing something cute for Malara before she went off to fight—hopefully to maybe boost Malara’s spirit, or something. But Noli stood in front of the mirror in a nice dress, and despite all the compliments and encouragement that others gave her…she only saw everything wrong. Her stomach was too big. Her love handles squished out through the fabric of the dress. Her big boobs were awkward. Her legs were short, stumpy, fat thighs...

Noli gave up on looking cute. She threw on an oversized hoodie to hide her stomach and chest, and black tights with a skirt to hopefully make her legs look at least a little slimmer. She looked herself in the mirror again, then pulled her hood over her head and sighed. Fine, good enough. This was the best she could do today.

Noli had made a decision, and it was heavy on her mind. But she figured, she should probably wait until after the fight to tell Malara. She had enough to deal with, right? Noli could wait a little longer...

So, Noli stepped out of her room, and went searching for Malara through the mansion to send her off.

@Kadakism

Noli’s hands were shoved in her hoodie pocket, and she didn’t pull them out when Malara went over to her. She didn’t really want to be hugged or kissed in that moment, but she didn’t stop Malara—but, she didn’t have a strong reaction to it, either.

It was kind of only in that moment that Noli remembered that Malara could sense her emotional state. Malara wasn’t acknowledging it, but…she knew Malara was feeling it.

“I, um…just wanted to wish you good luck before the fight. I’m going to go for a walk, and I don’t think I’ll be able to handle watching it, so…”

Noli pulled one hand out of her hoodie pocket and scratched the back of her neck. She was not making eye contact with Malara.

“B-but, I’m sure it will turn out fine. You’ve been training so much…”

Maybe she shouldn’t have come to see Malara before the fight. Noli was already regretting this. It was too obvious, wasn’t it?

“Y-yeah, I get it…” Noli muttered, still rubbing at the back of her neck. But there was so much more on her mind than the fight. She said she wasn’t going to tell Malara before the fight, but…she wasn’t sure how she would get out of this now. Noli’s emotions were too obvious.

“No, I guess it’s not…” Noli mumbled. She had told herself she could wait until after the fight, but…

“I’m going to move into the dorms when I go to the Academy.”

No, maybe she couldn’t after all. Now it was coming straight out of her, and she couldn’t stop herself.

“I’m…I’m going to focus on my school work. I…I’m…”

She swallowed hard.

“I’m going to separate myself from my relationships. They’re too overwhelming and I just...I can't, anymore. And that…includes you, too.”

And there it was.

Oh Gods, she was getting angry. Abort mission. Abort. Abort.

Except…it was too late now. It was out there, and she couldn’t take it back.

And Noli was usually such a coward, but right now…she was going to tell the truth. She took a deep breath.

“I think…you need to realize that you don’t love equally.”

Noli tried to keep a stern expression on her face, but inside her hoodie pocket her hands were shaking.

“Because you say you do, but…you don’t.”

Noli cringed a little. It wasn’t just hard saying it to Malara, but to hear it out loud and admit it to herself.

“That one lady…um…Yura…she explained to me how she sees all her different girlfriends. She ranks them. There’s high tier girlfriends, then mid tier, then low tier…You do that too, Malara. You just aren’t honest about it like Yura is. Maybe you don’t even realize you’re doing it, but…you do.”

Noli swallowed hard. Malara was going to yell at her, she just could feel it. Malara was not going to tolerate what she was saying, but Noli kept going.

“I’m low tier to you, Malara. And maybe that would be fine if we were just…fucking…but…I wanted the type of relationship a low tier girlfriend is never going to have with you.”

A tired sigh escaped Noli when Malara asked how she could ‘fix’ this. Really, fix it? Noli shook her head. “It can’t be fixed because as long as I am with you, you will always choose others over me, won’t you?”

Noli shoved her hands back into her hoodie pocket, staring down at the floor for a moment. Then she looked back up at Malara, staring her in the eyes despite the tears that were starting to form.

“You made that much clear when you got engaged to Cat. You chose her over those of us you have been involved with longer. Me, Jafar, Pandora…you’ve made it clear we are all secondary to Cat. We are not as important.”

Noli sniffed, then lifted an arm up to wipe her eyes with her sleeve.

“That’s why I can’t be a part of this anymore. I’m tired of always being left behind, and I know I am even less important than the others you left behind.”

She lowered her arm, her hand going back into her pocket. Her head tilted away as she broke her eye contact with Malara once more.

“I thought I needed to leave the planet to be happy again, but I realized…Earth is fine. It’s you I need to leave.”